“When I was younger, I always wondered how I could distinguish between love and lust. My father used to say “all these little or great worldly loves we go through, are all here for us humans to eventually experience The love, one drop at a time, and to increase our capacity for it. That’s why when we look back at our previous experiences of feeling in love, we laugh at our naivety for calling that love! And that the love we are feeling now IS the real thing. Ignorant of the fact that a little down the line, we will again be laughing at what we are calling love now.”So let us find out why has God made love? What kind of love, are we expected to feel? My father says “Love is a sign from God. Love is a miracle, and miracles are here to make us believe” [1].
I started my article on dating and falling in love using the introduction of a love story book. As any reader knows, love or dating and falling in Love is not something that can be accepted in some lands and be ignored in some others. Dating and Falling in Love know no borders. Every human being from the time he/she sets foot in this world would experience dating and falling in love in one way or other, with different things, people, pets! Lands, etc. It is actually the liveliness of love that keeps human beings move forward. This dating and falling in love could be for money, status, education, or opposite sex.
In this article, I would like to talk about Love for opposite sex and its rulings according to Islam and dating in Islam.
Love is an essential need for the human. Without love life is dark and colorless. Muslims, like any other human beings, fall in love and may spend days and nights weeping for their beloved, until they can unite with their loved ones.
However, the main point of being committed to any religion and obeying its rules is for human beings to gain control over themselves. Human beings in facing different issues of life should show this self-control, and love is one of these issues.
From what I have seen among most non-Muslim cultures and religions when they fall in love, they start dating. They meet each other at different places and make memories together. Then they can grow their love and go through sexual relationships. They would even feel so much in love that they decide to live together as lover partners. In some cases, this loving partnership may end up with a baby. And in very optimistic ways, one day their grown-up children will happily shout in a church that “I knew that mom and dad would finally get married!”. As I said, that is the optimistic side of it. Otherwise, at the end of some of these relationships, we have depressed single parents with unwanted children.
Since dating and falling in love takes one’s mind away, when a Muslim falls in love, by considering Islamic advice she/ he can avoid its negative consequences.
According to Islam, when someone feels fallen in love! with someone, he/ she should consider that person as his/ her “spouse to be.” So, the lover can determine if he/ she can live with his/ her loved one for the rest of his/ her life, and would they make a happy family and reach their goals? If the answer is positive, then they should start to get to know each other better. In most Islamic cultures, the starting point happens through families and dating in Islam is not very common. The boy proposes to the girl in a proposal ceremony. If the girl and the families are OK at this step, then the “bride to be” and “the groom to be” can start to know each other better.
Since dating in non-Muslim cultures may be followed by different kinds of sexual lust, such as touching, hugging, kissing, etc., Islam would call this sort of dating forbidden (Haram).
But this does not mean that the “groom to be” and the “bride to be” are not allowed to meet up and talk together for better recognition of each other. In Muslim families, they usually meet up at the girl’s house, where her parents are also around. Yet, some boys and girls may find it useful to go out together for a meal or talk in social places. That is for them to know each other better in different situations.
According to Islam, it is not forbidden (Haram) for a man and a woman to be together in a place where other people can come and go, and there is no fear of committing a sin. So, dating is Islam is not forbidden provided that the above conditions are observed. However, both parties should make sure to limit these meetups to a few sessions. At the end of these few sessions, they can usually decide if they want to marry or not.
And if they don’t want to marry, they should stop their meetings. Also, if they decide to get married, they should proceed to the next levels. This can be a temporary marriage for engagement period and then a permanent Islamic marriage contract. The engagement may take a few days or a few years. But they are known as a married couple during this time, and there is no prohibition for them to be together. “After the recitation of the marriage formula, the couple may enjoy each other unless a certain enjoyment is agreed to be delayed to the night of consummating the marriage, in which case he has to observe the specified term.” [2]
When two people start dating without a serious intention of marrying their partner, they start wasting their time on a useless relationship, solely for fun and enjoyment. Most of the time one of the parties is aware that he/ she does not see a future for this relationship. The other one keeps hoping for a marriage proposal. When it never happens, disappointment would fill his/ her life.
Also, people who keep dating with no intention for marriage would enjoy a relationship in which, unlike marriage, they are irresponsible towards their partner.
When other youths see how easy some people have fun with the opposite sex, they would be encouraged to date, too.
Usually, after many years of dating, when both parties have lost their younghood eagerness, they would shape a family. Although it is still very good to start family life, their life is much different from those who marry and have children at a younger age.
Conclusion
To conclude, dating in Islam for the sake of having fun with opposite sex and without a legal Islamic marriage contract is forbidden (Haram). But meeting up for further recognition is allowed (Halal). The main reason that makes dating in Islam prohibited is to protect both parties of possible damages of an unstable relationship. Thus, pre-marriage meetings (unlike dating) should be free of any kind of sexual lust, and only for the sake of finding a suitable spouse.
So, it is not forbidden (Haram) to fall in love according to Islam. But managing this love and controlling the self is of high importance. This would prevent people from committing great sins like adultery.
Reference:
- Bahmanpour, Sedigheh, God Is Here, p. 1
- love in Islam
Globally, the word “jihad” may be one of the scariest words associated with Islam in people’s view. Terrorism and Islam are almost intertwined when people talk about this religion. When you talk about Islam, many people may think of ISIS, Al-Qaida, Taliban, and the like which have portrayed an internationally terrifying picture of Muslims. On the other hand, most Muslims believe that the real Islam and the original meaning of “jihad” have been defamed by these terrorist groups.
The word “jihad” denotes an attempt and trying. In Islam, this word means doing as Allah commands in a special way that mostly requires hard work and sacrifice for his sake. It would be quite wrong merely assume fighting and killing enemies as the meaning of “jihad.” As a matter of fact, this word has a lot of meanings and “fighting” is only one of them.
According to the Holy Quran, jihad can be waged even without fighting enemies, but by spending your wealth on the needy.
The faithful are only those who have attained faith in Allah and His Apostle and then have never doubted, and who wage jihad with their possessions and their lives in the way of Allah. It is they who are truthful. (49:15)
The Holy Quran says that the Meccan early Muslims who left all they had in Mecca and moved to Yathrib (today called Medina) had done “jihad,”
Indeed, those who are faithful and those who have migrated and waged jihad in the way of Allah—it is they who expect Allah’s mercy, and Allah is all-forgiving, all-merciful. (2:218)
Sometimes the word jihad means fighting not with the enemies but with yourself. In Islamic insight, controlling your evil and harmful desires is actually considered to be an example of jihad. Surprisingly, this kind of jihad is actually more important and nobler than the other types. In this regard, Imam Sadiq (AS) says,
Once, the Holy Prophet (PBUH & HP) sent a group of soldiers to the battlefield, and when they came back, the Prophet (PUBH & HP) told them, ‘welcome to the people who accomplished their little jihad and still have to do the greater jihad.’
People asked, ‘Oh, Messenger of Allah! What is the greater jihad?’
He replied, ‘fighting with yourselves.’ (1)
In Islam’s view, fighting is originally only for defending ourselves against invaders not for attacking innocent people.
The first fight of the Prophet (PUBH & HP) named “Badr”, was with the Quraysh (the people of Mecca who were mostly the Prophet’s relatives). After Muslims moved to Medina from Mecca, the polytheists seized all of their belongings and were planning to sell them. A large number of soldiers escorted the caravan that was moving the belongings of Muslims from Mecca. Muslims decided to fight with them and take their belongings back.
There was a polytheist named Utbah ibn Rabi’ah who wasn’t sure whether to fight with the Prophet. He talked to his army, riding a red camel, Oh, my people! Hear me out and do not fight this man and his followers. [if you worry about being called chicken hearts for not fighting] consider this shame on me and tell others that I was scared. You have so many close relatives among them and if you fight, so many of them will be killed and you, afterward, will have to live with the ones who have killed your fathers and brothers and it will leave animosity and a grudge among you. Note that if you kill them, they will kill as many of us as we have killed them. Furthermore, it is possible that you lose… Oh, my people! If Muhammad is a liar, the wolves of the desert will remove him and if he is a king, you will have a good life in his territory and if he is a real prophet, he will make you the happiest people in the world. (2)
The Prophet was so hopeful that they will listen to Utbah and that he won’t be forced to fight with his relatives. About Utbah the Prophet said, If there was only one good person among them, it would be this person on the red camel and they will do their best if they listen to him. (3)
Then, the Prophet wrote a letter to the Quraysh and encouraged them to go back to Mecca (4) but they didn’t accept and fought against the Prophet. The Muslims won this battle.
The Arabs before the Prophet (PBUH & HP), were always fighting with each other. But, the message of Islam made them all like brothers. The Holy Quran says,
Hold fast, all together, to Allah’s cord, and do not be divided [into sects]. Remember Allah’s blessing upon you when you were enemies, then He brought your hearts together, so you became brothers with His blessing. (3:103)
If you carefully read the verses of the Quran about fighting and jihad, you would understand that in the Islamic view, Muslims only fight for defending or against the ones who betray Muslims; for example, those who put the Muslim lives in jeopardy by helping their enemies.
In this regard, the Holy Quran says,
Fight in the way of Allah those who fight you, but do not transgress. Indeed, Allah does not like transgressors. (2:190)
About some polytheists who betrayed the Prophet (PBUH & HP) by violating the items of a treaty between the Prophet (PBUH & HP) and them, the Holy Quran says,
How can such polytheists have a treaty with Allah and His Messenger, except those you have made a treaty with at the Sacred Mosque? So, as long as they are true to you, be true to them. Indeed, Allah loves those who are mindful ˹of Him˺. How? For if they get the better of you, they will observe toward you neither kinship nor covenant. They please you with their mouths while their hearts spurn you, and most of them are transgressors. (9:7&8)
Therefore, the holy Quran ordered the Prophet (PBUH & HP) to forget about the treaty and fight with those polytheists because they betrayed the Muslims.
Muslims are eager to have peace with others but yet they can’t stand to be oppressed, invaded, bullied, etc. Fight them until persecution is no more, and religion becomes [exclusively] for Allah. Then if they desist, there shall be no reprisal except against the wrongdoers. (2:193)
Muslims believe that instead of fighting, people must be united in worshipping Allah which is the common belief of Muslims, Jews, and Christians. So, Muslims do not want to fight with the Jews or Christians except if they invade first. The Holy Quran says,
Say, ‘O People of the Book (Christians and Jews)! Come to a common word between us and you: that we will worship no one but Allah, that we will not ascribe any partner to Him, and that some of us will not take some others as lords besides Allah.’ But if they turn away, say, ‘Be witnesses that we have submitted [to Allah].’ (3:64)
The Holy Quran says that we should always be fair, even with our enemies,
O believers! Stand firm for Allah and bear true testimony. Do not let the hatred of a people lead you to injustice. Be just! That is closer to righteousness. And be mindful of Allah. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what you do. (5:8)
And, If any of those idolaters seek your protection, protect him so that he will be able to hear the words of God. Take him to a place where he is safe because they are people who do not know the truth. (9:6)
About the wars of the Prophet (PBUH & HP), Imam Sadiq (AS) said,
The Prophet (PBUH & HP) told his soldiers, “…do not over-kill and do not cheat them and do not cut their bodies into parts and do not kill the elders, kids, or women and do not cut the trees except if you had no choice. And if any of the Muslims saw one of the polytheists, that polytheist shouldn’t be harmed until he hears the words of Allah. If he obeyed you then he is your brother and if he didn’t, then take him to a safe place [and let him go]. (5)
Resources
- Al-Kafi, Shiekh Koleini, vol.5, pg.12
- Maghazi, al-Vaghedi, vol.1, pg.63
- Maghazi, al-Vaghedi, vol.1, pg.60
- Maghazi, al-Vaghedi, vol.1, pg.61
- Vasa’il ash-Shia, Sheikh Hurr al-Ameli, vol.15, pg.58
21- Day of greetings
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
The value of deeds on that day (Eid Ghadir) is equal to eighty months, and it is recommended to increase the remembrance of Allah and Salawat upon the Prophet (PBUH&HP) and his family.
Imam Hadi (AS) said to Abu Ishaq:
On the day of Ghadir, the Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) raised the hand of his brother Ali (AS) and introduced him as the flag bearer (and commander) of the people and the leader after him. Abu Ishaq said: I said, I beg your pardon, you are right. That is why I came to visit you, I testify that you are the authority of Allah over the people.
Imam Reza (AS) said:
Whoever meets a believer on the day (Ghadir), Allah will send seventy lights on his grave and expand his grave, and every day seventy thousand angels will visit his grave and give him the good news of Paradise.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
It is proper to get closer to Allah by doing good to others, fasting, praying, reaching out to relatives, and meeting the brothers of faith because the prophets did so and advised their people when they appointed their successors.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
It is recommended to pray in Ghadir Mosque because the Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) introduced and appointed the Commander of the Faithful (AS) there. And that is where the great Allah revealed the truth.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
A person who prays two units (Rakat) at any time on the day of Eid Ghadir -and it is better to be close to noon, which is the time when the Commander of the Faithful (AS) was appointed leadership in Ghadir at that time- is like someone realized that day ...
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
The fast of Ghadir day is equal to the fast of the whole life. That is if a person is always alive and fasts all his life, his reward is equal to the reward of fasting on Eid Ghadir.
Imam Reza (AS) said:
Eid Ghadir is a day of congratulations. Congratulations to each other, every time a believer meets his brother, he should say: "Praise be to Allah who has given us the success of grasping the guardianship of Imam Ali (AS) and the leaders." ...
On the day of Ghadir, the Messenger of Allah (PBUH&HP) ordered: A preacher should call: Gather for prayer. Then he took the hand of Ali (AS), raised it and said:
O Allah, whoever I am the master of, so Ali is also his master, O Allah, love the one who loves Ali and be the enemy of the one who is at enmity with Ali.
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH&HP) said:
Whoever wants to live and die like me and live in the eternal paradise that my Lord has promised me, will choose the guardianship of Ali ibn Abi Talib (AS), because he leads you not astray.
I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH&HP) to say to Ali ibn Abi Talib (AS):
O Ali, you are my brother, guardian, heir and successor among my ummah during my life and after my death. Your friend is my friend and your vindictive is my enemy.
Imam Baqir (AS) said:
Islam is based on five pillars: prayer, zakat, fasting, Hajj and Wilayah (Guardianship), and nothing has been called as much as what has been emphasized to Wilayah on the Day of Ghadir.
Imam Kadhim (AS) said:
The guardianship of Ali (AS) is recorded in the books of all the prophets and no prophet was sent except with the covenant of the prophethood of Muhammad (PBUH&HP) and the Imamate of Ali (AS).
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH&HP) said:
The guardianship of Ali (AS) is the guardianship of Allah, loving him is worshiping Allah, following him is a divine obligation and his friends are friends of Allah and his enemies are enemies of Allah, war with him, war with Allah, and peace with him, peace with Allah Almighty.
Imam Baqir (AS) said:
Satan, the enemy of Allah, lamented four times: the day he was cursed by Allah, the day he fell to the ground, the day that Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) was sent, and the day of Eid Ghadir.
The Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) said:
God says: The guardianship of Ali is my stronghold, so whoever enters my fortress will be protected from the fire of Hell.
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH&HP) said:
O Ali, I am the city of knowledge and you are its door, do not enter the city except through its door. ... You are the leader of my nation and my successor in this city, whoever obeys you is blessed, and whoever disobeys you is miserable, and your friend has benefited and your enemy has lost.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
The cornerstones of Islam are three things:
Prayer, Zakat and Wilayah, none of which can be made without the other.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
O Hafs! Surprising of what Ali (AS) encountered! He could not get his right with ten thousand witnesses (on the day of Ghadir), while a person with two witnesses gets his right.
The Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) said on the day of Ghadir:
Ali (AS) is the interpretation of the Book of Allah, and the inviter to Allah, be aware that what is lawful and what is forbidden is more than what I introduce and command and forbid and count them. So I was instructed to make a covenant with you to accept what I brought from Allah Almighty about Ali the commander of the faithful and his successors.
O people! Think and understand the divine revelations, pay attention to its courts and do not follow its similarities. I swear by Allah, no one can ever utter the verses of the Qur'an and clarify its interpretation, except the one whom I have taken (and introduced).