"As soon as I converted to Islam, I felt the pain in my heart lifted"

By C.S. Mathos

I am C.S. Mathos.  I was born into a secular family on August 1st, 1992, in Pennsylvania.  My mom was once a Christian, and as a kid she went to a Quaker church. […]To explain, I was surprisingly logical as a child, and reasoned that it was impossible that a god existed.  Really, I didn’t care about religion back then.  […]

I was obviously ridiculed when my love for paleontology did not subside.  […] When I did speak, I was most often honest, soft spoken, and didn’t have much to say, because I didn’t trust people, and I liked my imagination better than the real world.  Even when 9/11’s attacks came, I didn’t talk much, and didn’t react to it.  It didn’t scare me at all; I thought the word “Muslim” was the term for an ethnic group[…]When I did come out of my shell (5th grade), I fought with people about religion and politics.  I believed there were hypocrisies in Christianity, which was the only religion I remembered at that time.

When I became 13 years old, I really received insults, and took them seriously.  […] At that time I wasn’t interested in anything.  I decided I needed a religion.  I didn’t really search for one, just believed there was one God, and, because of my bitterness, I blamed my problems on Him.  […]

I just needed a religion.  I tried out Christianity, however I flat out left it.  Too many contradictions, sectarianism, and hypocrisy.

search, religion, peace, Islam

I looked around, and around, I looked at everything, from Christianity to Greek Mythology.  I decided to look at Islam last, since I took into account the prejudices of war and the possibility that I may actually be killed by someone due to following such a religion.  I gave up on everything else, and I said to myself: “The last thing you have to go to is Islam.  Just get a Quran and read it.  Hell, it may be what you’re looking for.”  I got the Quran off of a website, and got it in the mail 5 days after it was ordered.  It was dark green; so dark green, I thought it was black.  It has a beautiful leather binding, gold imprints on it.  I started reading it, and I just saw that it was nothing as it was portrayed on TV.  I saw that there was only one God, and there was no one else to worship but He.  I saw this, and I wanted to join the religion.

Salat, prayer, Islam, Muslims, new Muslims

[…] I decided that writing down how to pray was for later, conversion was needed for me.  I needed to submit to God.  NOW.  I found the Shahada, and I wrote it down.  Then, I took the Shahada, and became a Muslim.  As soon as I did, I felt the pain in my heart lifted, and I felt truly happy.  God has been good to me, and I try to pray 5 times every day to Him.  However, due to the circumstances of war prejudices, other people’s intolerance, and other people’s sectarianism, I have to practice my religion in secret.  I pray to God in the morning, noon, sundown, evening, and at 11:00 or 12:00 at night.  When I can drive, I’ll drive to the nearest mosque every Friday.  My own mother doesn’t even know I’m a Muslim.  I’ll tell her when I’m truly ready, or when I’m an adult and live elsewhere, or I’m in college.  I pray that God keeps me away from disbelief, and help me become the best Muslim I can be while practicing in secret.  If my mom is reading this, try to understand my religion before you pass judgment.  Let me practice my religion in peace, without your ridicules and jokes, which are hurtful.  I’ve been practicing Islam for a week, I think.  I lose track of time.


Non-Muslims that are reading this, I suggest you read the Quran and become a Muslim.  Peace be upon you, and God’s blessings.


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