“And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect”(30: 21).
One of the main objectives of marriage from the Islamic point of view is for the couples to find peacefulness. Peace is the very result of considering Allah in mind in every second of life. Being compassionate is a skill that couples should develop in order to make a better life. Islam aims to teach this skill to its followers and all other human beings.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said: “when a man expresses his love to his wife, the effect of such loving words will never fade from her heart”.
These words were uttered by the Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) in a society in which women were not considered to deserve the least human rights. Moreover, it shows that Islam believes in the importance of expressing feelings to strengthen couples’ relationships and the idea of being compassionate.
Our fourth Imam, Imam Sajjad (AS), said: “It is your wife’s right on you to know that she brings calmness to you and she is a gift from Allah. Then, cherish her and treat her with kindness and tolerance”.
These sayings show the special attention of Islamic leaders to family and its role in the formation of society. It can be concluded that regarding the issue of being compassionate, building a peaceful society depends on having healthy and competent families.
The motto of Islam is, “First build your personality, then your family and finally your society”.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said: “The more one increases his/her kindness to his/her spouse, the more his/her faith will increase”.
What is the belief behind this large amount of recommendations on being kind and expressing feelings? How can Islam be blamed for promoting violence?
To finish this article, It would be interesting to narrate a short story from the early Islamic era:
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) ennobled one of his loyal companions, named Sa'dIbnMa'az, in his funeral. Watching this scene, his mother said: “Oh my son, enjoy heaven”. Prophet (PBUH&HP) said to Sa'd’s mother: “Do not prejudge. Your son is suffering in his tomb”. Other companions asked in wonder, “why is he suffering in his tomb while you respected and ennobled him this much? He added because he was bad-tempered with his family.
Allah is Unique in Kindness. Kindness is a sign of wealth for which you sometimes do not need to spend a penny, but it is more valuable than large amounts of money.
Being compassionate
Mothers in Islam are held in very high esteem. How a Muslim should treat their parents, especially the mother, is underlined in the holy Quran and Hadiths [i]. Several verses in the Quran emphasize the difficulties that a mother goes through and the respect that should be accorded to her.
“We have enjoined man to be kind to his parents. His mother has carried him in travail and bore him in travail, and his gestation and weaning take thirty months. When he comes of age and reaches forty years, he says," My Lord! Inspire me to give thanks for Your blessing with which You have blessed me and my parents, and that I may do righteous deeds which may please You, and invest my descendants with righteousness. Indeed I have turned to you in penitence, and I am one of the Muslims” (46:15).
This verse mentions both parents in general but goes into detail in regards to the mothers in Islam because she faces challenges that a father does not. The command to treat parents with kindness means to shower love, affection, and piety on them, both in words and deeds.
One should treat them with respect under all circumstances, obey them unless it is something that God has forbidden, care for them in old age as they cared for you as a child, give priority to their orders over voluntary acts of worship.
And approach them with tender humility and mercy; not to raise your voice above theirs, nor to fix your glance on them, nor to call them by their names; to be patient with them, and never harm them verbally or physically.
But why should we be kind to our parents, especially our mothers? The Quran repeats the struggles a mother withstands in another passage to highlight the need for one to reciprocate their parents’ sacrifice for them:
“We have enjoined man concerning his parents: His mother carried him through weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years. Give thanks to Me and your parents. To Me is the return. But if they urge you to ascribe to Me as a partner that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. Keep their company honorably in this world and follow the way of him who turns to Me penitently. Then to Me will be your return, whereat I will inform you concerning what you used to do” (31:14, 15).
There are also verses in the Quran that the mention of servitude to God is immediately followed by the command of being kind to parents. This is also repeated throughout the Quran:
“Worship Allah and do not ascribe any partners to Him, and be good to parents…” (4:36).
“Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship anyone except Him, and [He has enjoined] kindness to parents. Should they reach old age at your side one of them or both do not say to them," Fie!" And do not chide them, but speak to them noble words. Lower the wing of humility to them, out of mercy, and say," My Lord!” (17:23-24)
These verses indicate that after worshiping Allah alone, beautiful conduct to parents is the next most important duty for a Muslim. Mothers in Islam are due to this conduct even before fathers according to the command of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) in the story below:
A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (PBUH&HP) said: ‘Your mother.’ The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: ‘Then your mother.’ The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet repeated: ‘Then your mother.’ The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: ‘Then your father’ [1].
The importance of the mother over the father is highlighted in this Hadith [i] by repeating “your mother” three times and then saying “your father” once in response to the man’s question.
All these Quranic verses and sayings (Hadiths) demonstrate the extraordinary worth of mothers in Islam. This religion considers the attainment of the last phase of perfection, namely paradise, dependent on the mother’s satisfaction, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said: “Heaven lies beneath the feet of mothers [2]”.
Notes:
[i]. sayings of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) and Imams
References:
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p 49
- Mizan al-Hikmah, v.10, pp.712-713
- mother in Islam
- mother
A family in Islam is not only a place for reproduction but also a site for growing the healthy spirit and character of human beings. To clarify this point, some principles are mentioned below which are derived from the verses of the Quran:
1. Having amity and mercy within the family and providing security and peace for each other. This verse refers to family and its spiritual relations: “And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect” (30:21).
2. Consultation and satisfaction of the couple in decision making [1].
3. In verse 71 of Al-Tawbah, men and women are introduced as each other’s friends and helpmates. In these verses, the importance of consultation is notified, and it is also mentioned that the viewpoints of all the family members are of equal value and no one’s approach receives more importance than the other’s [2].
4. The importance of family interests over personal interests [3].
5. Improving affairs and seeking reconciliation [4].
6. Forgiving each other’s mistakes, establishing peace and amour, and avoiding egocentricity: “If a woman fears from her husband misconduct or desertion, there is no sin upon the couple if they reach a reconciliation between themselves; and reconcilement is better. The souls are prone to greed; but if you are virtuous and God wary, Allah is indeed well aware of what you do” (4:128).
7. Being good-tempered in etiquette and commerce: “deal kindly with them” (4:19).
The principles mentioned above indicate that the style Islam suggests for families is achievable through a true collaboration of all family members. Every family is a small part whose rectification contributes to the improvement of the whole society and consequently its perfection.
References:
- (2:233)
- (9:71, 28:26, 28, and 37:102,103)
- (2:229, 4:19)
- (8:1)