“And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect”(30: 21).
One of the main objectives of marriage from the Islamic point of view is for the couples to find peacefulness. Peace is the very result of considering Allah in mind in every second of life. Being compassionate is a skill that couples should develop in order to make a better life. Islam aims to teach this skill to its followers and all other human beings.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said: “when a man expresses his love to his wife, the effect of such loving words will never fade from her heart”.
These words were uttered by the Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) in a society in which women were not considered to deserve the least human rights. Moreover, it shows that Islam believes in the importance of expressing feelings to strengthen couples’ relationships and the idea of being compassionate.
Our fourth Imam, Imam Sajjad (AS), said: “It is your wife’s right on you to know that she brings calmness to you and she is a gift from Allah. Then, cherish her and treat her with kindness and tolerance”.
These sayings show the special attention of Islamic leaders to family and its role in the formation of society. It can be concluded that regarding the issue of being compassionate, building a peaceful society depends on having healthy and competent families.
The motto of Islam is, “First build your personality, then your family and finally your society”.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said: “The more one increases his/her kindness to his/her spouse, the more his/her faith will increase”.
What is the belief behind this large amount of recommendations on being kind and expressing feelings? How can Islam be blamed for promoting violence?
To finish this article, It would be interesting to narrate a short story from the early Islamic era:
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) ennobled one of his loyal companions, named Sa'dIbnMa'az, in his funeral. Watching this scene, his mother said: “Oh my son, enjoy heaven”. Prophet (PBUH&HP) said to Sa'd’s mother: “Do not prejudge. Your son is suffering in his tomb”. Other companions asked in wonder, “why is he suffering in his tomb while you respected and ennobled him this much? He added because he was bad-tempered with his family.
Allah is Unique in Kindness. Kindness is a sign of wealth for which you sometimes do not need to spend a penny, but it is more valuable than large amounts of money.
Being compassionate
A significant part of children's rights in Islam address the needs and demands of children during their years of adolescence.
Middle childhood is the most decisive period of life, considering children's rights in Islam. It is a time when children develop fundamental skills for building healthy social relationships and learn roles that will make them ready to be confronted with adolescence and adulthood.
According to Islam, in this period a child should first be given necessary religious education so that he/she may not be misinformed and misled by anyone in belief or action.
In this stage, children should start to learn writing and reading. Also, moral characteristics and attributes should be institutionalized in their mind, and their acts step by step.
Imam Baqir (AS) has asserted: “When the child completes seven years, he should be asked to wash his face and hands, and then told to pray. This will continue till he reaches the age of 9 years, when he should be taught proper Wudu (Ablution), and should be guided by parents if he is not careful and proper Salat (prayer) - and he should be reminded if he is not regular” [1].
It is worth mentioning that puberty in most girls will begin at around 8-14 years. If a girl has reached puberty in this period, she must do all acts of worship that an adult is required to do. Parents should have particular attention to the girls in this age. So she must fast in Ramadan, and she must also cover her head when she prays and thus must be in full Islamic prayer clothing.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) emphasized the teachings of two things to male children, as a part of children's rights in Islam. He said: “It is the right of the male child on his father to teach him the Book of God (Holy Quran), riding, and swimming.”[2]. It is also narrated that the prophet believed the duty of a father to be teaching his son to write [3].
The character of children is supple; they may easily be bent in any direction. If they are not given proper moral and religious education at this stage, changes of manner and thought would be difficult.
This period is between childhood and adult age. After the age of 14, the human mind becomes stronger and new horizons are opened in front of one’s eyes. Therefore, puberty, marriage, domestic life and its complex problems come to the fore.
Nowadays, the young adults soon realize that he needs to look after himself in future; he knows that with every day passing, he becomes closer to the responsibilities and accountability of a family.
It is the right of adolescent to be involved in every decision making in family and parents should consider their opinions. As Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) mentioned the child is the master for seven years and a slave for seven years and a vizier for seven years [4].
One of the children's rights in Islam that parents should observe is to be provided with marriage when they are old enough, without delaying it. Indeed, the Holy Quran and the Prophet (PBUH&HP) advise that young people be married when they are old enough [5].
The prophet (PBUH&HP) said: “Among the rights of the child over the parents are three: To give him a good name, to teach him to write and to help him marry when he comes of pubescence [6].
The aim of Islam regarding family can only be accomplished with the help of a good marriage. Accordingly, marriage is an important part, and significant matter of domestic discipline and children should be educated by parents in this matter.
Parents are responsible for providing the requirements of marriage. Actually, ideal primary education should be given to children by their parents and their duties are fulfilled by providing them with a job and helping them to marry.
References:
- Ibn-e Fazl-e Tabarsi, Makarim Al Akhlaq, p. 115.
- Muhammad ibn Ya‘qūb al-Kulaynī, Furū al-Kāfī, vol 6, p. 187.
- Abul Qasem Payandeh, Nahj-al feṣāḥa , p. 447.
- Muhammad ibn Ya‘qūb al-Kulaynī, Rawda al-Kafi , vol 6, p. 47.
- childrens rights in Islam
- Fattal Neyshaburi , Rawdat al-wa'izin , p. 369.
Many incidents happen in societies which make so many children orphans, Incidents such as earthquakes, floods, tsunamis, or smaller events. Thus, the issue of taking care of these orphan kids becomes a challenge that should be dealt with. Many of these children may be sent to orphanages by the government.
And they keep waiting for some family to adopt them and take care of them. But, there are many parents who cannot give birth to a child and they wish to adopt one and make their family bigger. Some parents may have children of their own, and they want to adopt a child to help and take care of him/her.
This text explains the rulings of adopting a child according to the Islamic law.
There are four major differences in Islamic law between adoptive and biological children:
1- Adopted children are better to be named after their biological parents. If they are named after their adoptive parents, the foster parents should not precisely introduce them as their own child. (This is forbidden (Haram) since it is a lie.)
2- Adopted children do not automatically inherit from their adoptive parents. Unless it is mentioned in the parents’ will.
3- When adopted children become mature (Baligh) they will become of the marriageable kin (non-Mahram) to their adoptive family (parents, brothers/ sisters, uncles/ aunts).
4- The property of an adopted child (provided by his/her biological parents or family members) belongs to him/ her. Adoptive parents will keep it as mere trustees.
Islam has careful considerations towards orphans. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) himself had adopted a child and was fed by an adoptive mother during the first two years of his life.
It is narrated by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) that “‘ The one who sponsors an orphan and I are like these two in Paradise.’ Then he joined his index and middle fingers” [1].
Orphans are so important in the eyes of God that Allah says in the Holy Quran “Indeed those who consume the property of orphans wrongfully, only ingest fire into their bellies, and soon they will enter the Blaze.” (4: 10)
There are specific rules in Islam with regards to adopting children.
In Islam, biological parents and the family lineage are of great significance. So, child adoption must not occur in a way that children lose their filiation. It is essential to keep in mind that according to Islam, filiation will be inherited from biological parents. Thus, by making a child adoption contract, the adoptive family will not be the child’s filiation.
According to Islamic law, child adoption is forbidden (Haram). But child protection (Kifalah) is highly recommended. By child adoption we mean, accepting a child and considering him/her as the adoptive parents’ real child. By child protection, we suggest that the child is being taken care of by his/ her foster parents. And at a suitable age, he/ she will be informed of his/her real filiation.
Thus, there is no problem in accepting a child as his/ her protector (Kafil). It becomes problematic when adopted children are not told the truth about their biological parents. It is understandable that it would be hard to tell any child that he/ she is not a family’s real child. But, consultations can help parents to find a proper way of telling the truth to their adopted child.
Besides, it is highly recommended in Islam to protect and support orphans, which means giving them financial and spiritual support in all aspects of their lives.
One of the points that Islam has in this regard is that the adopted children are of unmarriageable kin (non-Mahram). So when they grow up, they may face problems within their adoptive family.
Also if the adopted child is not aware of his/her real identity, there would be a chance of him marrying a marriageable kin (Mahram) of his/her biological family line without being aware of that. In Islam, like every other Abrahamic religion, it is forbidden to marry a marriageable kin (Mahram) [ii].
There is a tradition in some cultures that women do not feed their own children. Instead, they choose a wet nurse to breastfeed the child. The child who is breastfed from another woman, for a specific duration, will become of marriageable kin (Mahram) to the woman and her family.
Thus, if the adopted child is under two years old, and if the adoptive mother or her sister or her mother can breastfeed the child for a specific duration, a Foster (Ridha’) relationship will be created. As a result, the child will become of marriageable kin (Mahram) [i]. But the rulings with regards to inheritance is still the same.
Notes:
[i] For exact information about foster (Ridha’) you should refer to your own source of emulation (Marja’ taqlid)
[ii] Read more about marriageable kin (mahram) at http://salamislam.com/content/who-are-mahrams-islam/4
References:
- Humairi, Abdullah bin Ja’far, Qurbul Isnad, p. 9, hadith 315, Aalul-Bait (a.s.) Institute, Qom, first edition, 1413 A.H.
- Chapter Yousuf. verses 23 - 32