“And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect”(30: 21).

One of the main objectives of marriage from the Islamic point of view is for the couples to find peacefulness. Peace is the very result of considering Allah in mind in every second of life. Being compassionate is a skill that couples should develop in order to make a better life. Islam aims to teach this skill to its followers and all other human beings.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said: “when a man expresses his love to his wife, the effect of such loving words will never fade from her heart”.

These words were uttered by the Holy Prophet (PBUH&HP) in a society in which women were not considered to deserve the least human rights. Moreover, it shows that Islam believes in the importance of expressing feelings to strengthen couples’ relationships and the idea of being compassionate.

Our fourth Imam, Imam Sajjad (AS), said: “It is your wife’s right on you to know that she brings calmness to you and she is a gift from Allah. Then, cherish her and treat her with kindness and tolerance”.

These sayings show the special attention of Islamic leaders to family and its role in the formation of society. It can be concluded that regarding the issue of being compassionate, building a peaceful society depends on having healthy and competent families.

The motto of Islam is, “First build your personality, then your family and finally your society”.

Imam Sadiq (AS) said: “The more one increases his/her kindness to his/her spouse, the more his/her faith will increase”.

What is the belief behind this large amount of recommendations on being kind and expressing feelings? How can Islam be blamed for promoting violence?

Being Compassionate & Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP)

To finish this article, It would be interesting to narrate a short story from the early Islamic era:

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) ennobled one of his loyal companions, named Sa'dIbnMa'az, in his funeral. Watching this scene, his mother said: “Oh my son, enjoy heaven”. Prophet (PBUH&HP) said to Sa'd’s mother: “Do not prejudge. Your son is suffering in his tomb”. Other companions asked in wonder, “why is he suffering in his tomb while you respected and ennobled him this much? He added because he was bad-tempered with his family.

Allah is Unique in Kindness. Kindness is a sign of wealth for which you sometimes do not need to spend a penny, but it is more valuable than large amounts of money.

Being compassionate

Domestic violence is any violent or aggressive behavior by one person against another within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. These behaviors, used by one person in a relationship to control the other, occur in many forms; physical violence, verbal violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.

All these acts and behaviors are rationally condemned, but, how does Islam react to this phenomenon and what solutions does it propose?

No Harm to Oneself, Nor to Others

According to the Islamic teachings, any harm to oneself is either totally forbidden (Haram), or should be avoided and is detestable (Makruh); so is any harm to others [1].

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said that whoever hurts others, God will hurt him; and, whoever inflicts pain on others, God will give him pain [2]. That is also true about any kind of domestic violence. Since it causes pain and harm to the victim, domestic violence is also condemned in Islam.

Bad Temper is Blamed; So is Any Violence

It is narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) assisted the funeral of Sa'd ibn Ma'ad [i]. He (PBUH) did things during that funeral and respected him so much, that he (PBUH&HP) had never done in any funeral before. He (PBUH&HP) ordered to bath the corpse, and he (PBUH&HP) did the funeral prayer himself. But at the end of the event, he (PBUH&HP) declared that Sa’d is suffering from the pressure in the grave.

People were surprised that how come that someone who has been such dignified by the prophet (PBUH&HP) is suffering from the grave pressure. Prophet (PBUH&HP) explained that Sa’d was bad-tempered towards his family [3].

In another narration, it is said that the worst of people is the one who is rough to his family [4]; i.e., whose wife gets frightened and children hide when he arrives home, and they feel relieved when he leaves [5]. On the contrary, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said, the closest to the position of the prophet (PBUH&HP) before God is who behaves very well with his family and is the most beneficent to them” [6].

These examples show that every harsh treatment with the family will be counted and will be paid afterlife. Then, it is clear that any violence, either verbal or physical, is forbidden in Islam and will be punished severely.

Any Physical Violence is Banned

Imam Ali (AS) has advised that: “the wife is really like a flower (it is fragile), put up with her in any case and accompany her nicely to have a pleasant life” [7]. It means that contrary to the rumors that Islam has permitted the husband to hit his wife, Islam has ordered to honor her and to treat her kindly; even if he no longer loves her (4:19).

A few solutions …

Islamic teachings have always emphasized on the importance of the family and Muslims are advised to toleration in order to maintain the foundation of the family. Hence, in the case of a dispute between a couple, Islam invites to patience: “Whoever remains patient despite the misbehavior of his wife, God will reward him as great as Ayub's [ii] for his affliction.

Likewise, if a woman keeps patience despite the misbehavior of her husband, God will reward her as great as Asiya bint Muzahim (the Pharaoh's wife) [iii] .” [8].

When it comes to children, special attention is paid to their education. To raise well-behaved children with a good character, Islam forbids any humiliation and violence against them. Imam Ali an-Naqi (AS) said that: “Do not beat the child; just sulk with him, but not for a long time.” [9].

Although parents might blame their children under some conditions and in certain circumstances, they are warned against too much reproach. Imam Ali (AS) said that: “Excessive blame on anybody will increase the obstinacy.” [10].

It is notable that a true Muslim should also be tolerant and considerate towards other people as much as he/she is towards his family and relatives. This will be discussed further in another article.

Notes:

[i] One of the prominent companions of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP).

[ii] Prophet Ayub (PBUH) was afflicted by suffering for a lengthy period, but he never lost faith in God and forever called to God in prayer. He (PBUH) is known as the symbol of patience in Islam.

[iii] In the Quran, Asiya is described as the wife of Pharaoh who reigned during the time of Prophet Moses (PBUH). Unlike her husband, she was humble and accepted the faith that prophet Moses (PBUH) preached. She died while being tortured by her husband. In Islam, she is known as one of the greatest women of all time.

References:

1. S. A. al-Muttaqi, “Kanz al-Ummal”, T. 9498.
2. S. A. al-Muttaqi, “Kanz al-Ummal”, T. 9518.
3. Ibn Babawayh, “Ilal Al-Shara'I”, p. 310.
4. Al Suyuti, “Jami al-saghir”, vol. 2, p. 77.
5. Al-Haythami, “Majma al-Zawa'id”, vol. 8, p. 25.
6. Ibn Babawayh, “Uyun akhbar al-Rida”, vol. 2, p. 38.
7. S. H. al-Amili, “Wasail al-Shia”, vol. 37, p. 115.
8. Ibn Babawayh, "Man la yahduruhu al-Faqih", vol. 4, p. 392.
9. violence in Family 
10. Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, T. 4507.