Getting married, yesterday’s girl and boy become today’s husband and wife; they form the most basic and important foundation in the society in which each of them is bound to perform certain duties. In this peaceful and calming bond, namely the Islamic family, no person is superior to the other, and no responsibility is more vital than the one of the other; they both form the pillars of a firm foundation and are two equal sides of a scale which hold it in balance. Nevertheless, there are some certain tasks in which both husband and wife should participate; Actually, mutual responsibilities which Islam emphasize are really easy.

Affability in Behavior in the Islamic Family

The very first duty that has been defined for husbands and wives mutually is affability in behavior [1]. In other words, they should act in a kind and respectful manner toward each other, speaking with dignity and affection, understanding each other’s needs and feelings, being ready to comfort one another in times of hardship, and sharing their joy in times of happiness. Also, they should consult in their affairs with each other and respect one another’s views and decisions.

Furthermore, honesty and faithfulness are among the most important characteristics that both husbands and wives should observe in their married life. They should try to be as open as possible to one another and avoid hiding things from each other. Otherwise, there may arise a feeling of suspicion and insecurity between them.

Cooperation and Mutual Responsibilities in the Islamic Family

Despite many misunderstandings, Islam does not consider housework the responsibility of women and condemns the men who force their wives to do so. On the contrary, Islam obliges both husbands and wives to participate in this task and help one another in doing it, rather than leaving the whole burden on the shoulder of one person only [i] [2]. They should also cooperate in upbringing their children and reach unity in their behavior and speech toward them so that the feeling of harmony and comfort will spread in the family.

Beautiful Appearance in the Islamic Family 

Besides, for husbands and wives to be always attracted to one another in an Islamic family, both of them should appear as clean and beautiful as possible in front of each other [3] & [4]. For instance, they should wear the best clothes they have got, wear perfume, adorn their hair, etc.

As a result, the love between them will increase, and they will feel more secure. Also, when the need for physical attraction is satisfied in the private environment of married life, neither husband nor wife will feel the desire and urge to satisfy this need in other unlawful ways.

Finally, for a marriage to be successful and healthy and form the recommended Islamic family, both husbands and wives should attempt to do whatever is best to save this holy bond. For sure, this is not an easy job; it takes self-sacrifice, patience, hope, and optimism.

Regarding mutual responsibilities, you should know that you may sometimes feel tired, disappointed and hopeless but at the end of the day, when you look at your spouse, feel the love in him/her and think about the beautiful life that you can build with him/her, you will be surely willing to pay any expense to make this come true.

Notes:
[i]. Whenever Imam Ali – pbuh- found a chance and was free, would come and help his wife Fatimah- pbuh- in the housework. One day Prophet Muhammad came to their house and saw they were working together and asked:” Which one of you are more tired so that I take his/her place?”, Imam Ali –pbuh- answered: “ Fatimah is more tired.” Our kind prophet gave Fatima rest and continued her work himself[3].

References:

1. (4:19)
2. MirzaHossein Noori, Mustadrak al-Vasael, V.13, P.48.
3. Morteza Motahari, Dastan-e- Rastan, V.2, P.252.
4. Shaikh al-Hur al-Aamili, Wasail al-shiah, V.20, P.158.
5. Muhammad ibn Ya‘qūb al-Kulaynīm, Usul al-Kafi, V.5, P.511.

Exclusive Rights of Mothers

Imam Sajjad (AS) enumerates the rights of parents in Islam, specifically the mother in ‘Treatise On Rights (Risalat al-Huquq)’, based on her efforts, such as how she withstood the difficulties during the pregnancy, the care and protection she provided after giving birth to the baby, the selfless sacrifices she made so that her child could grow up in the most comfortable condition and with the best education.

Then, Imam (AS) invites to show gratitude to the mother, but he adds in the end that one cannot reciprocate what she had done unless God helps him to succeed [12].

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) admits that one can never (repeats this two times) pay back the rights of the mother; even if he attempts as many times as the number of the raindrops and the desert sands of the world to pay her back for only one of the days that she had carried him in her womb during the pregnancy, he will not succeed [13].

The rights of the mother among parents in Islam are even known to be superior to those of the father [14] since it is said that: “If you are performing a recommended (mustahab) prayer (which is a kind of talking with God and being in His presence requires certain reverence) and your father calls you, do not break your prayer but if your mother calls, break the prayer”[15].

In this regard, it is narrated that a man, who claimed that had committed every possible sin, asked Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) if he could still repent or not. Prophet (PBUH&HP) questioned if either of his parents was alive. He answered, his father was. Then, Prophet (PBUH&HP) advised him to go and treat him well. A while after the man left, Prophet (PBUH&HP) said: “if his mother was alive [he would certainly have the opportunity to repent]” [4].

These, along with other Quranic verses and narrations (Hadiths) highlight the importance of parents in Islam and especially mothers’ rights; something that can never be returned unless with divine providence.

Exclusive Rights of Fathers

One of the rights of the father is to recognize him as the root that has given existence to his children. Whenever one is proud of him/herself for a blessing, he/she should remember that he/she has inherited it from his/her father. Hence, one should praise God and thank him for what He has granted him [12].

Imam Reza (AS) said: “offer your property, honor, and life to your father since you have received them from him. Do good to him and ask for the blessing and forgiveness for him after his death” [16]. It is good to know that the amount of the father’s right in his child’s property is as much as it is sufficient for daily meals, without any dissipation, and only in case of need [14].

The effects of satisfying parents in Islam on their children are:

Gaining God’s satisfaction: “whoever his parents are satisfied with, I am satisfied with him/her” [17].
Long-lasting life: “Whoever honors his parents, will live a long life” [20].
Receiving good deeds from their own children: “honor your parents, so your children will honor you” [19].
Easy death: “Whoever honors the parents, God will ease his death” [21].
Being rewarded the highest levels in Heaven: “one, who gives Infaq to his parents, tolerates them, is beneficent to them and does not upset nor harm them, will be placed in the best levels of Heaven” [18].

What does Mistreating Parents in Islam Lead to?

According to Islamic teachings, not only mistreating parents in Islam is insolence to them, but also includes ignoring their rights, disobeying them in what is permissible and disrespecting them [22]. It is known from Islamic teachings that:

Even if one’s parents have done something unfair to him, he is not allowed to look at them with a sharp, angry gaze. Otherwise, even a single prayer (Salat) of him will not be accepted [24].
Insolence to parents is one of the major sins and is Haram [23].
Prophet (PBUH) has warned about the consequences of  Insolence to the parents by saying that the sweet smell of heaven will be sensed from a thousand years of distance but does not reach those who have been insolent to their parents [25].

It is essential to know that one may gain the satisfaction of the parents when they are alive, but will be readily insolent to them after their death by ignoring their rights like not paying their debts, not praying for them, etc.; and the other way around [16].

Notes:
[i] (2 :83), (17:23), (4:36), (6:151), (31:13-14).

[ii] Doing prayer (Salat) and fasting (Swam) in place of parents, especially after their death, is highly advised in Islamic teachings. This is due to the importance of having respect for parents and these two Islamic practices. This also helps to maintain the emotional links between children and parents, even after their death.

[iii] Praying for parents and asking mercy on them is a duty on children that is emphasized in the Quran and Islamic narrations. If parents have committed some sins or have sometimes been disobedient, praying for them might be beneficial to them.

References:

1. M. B. Majlesi, “Bihar al-Anwar,” vol. 74, p. 85.
2. M. H. Tusi, "Tahdhib al-Ahkam," vol. 6, p. 350.
3. A. Q. Payande, “Nahj Al-Fasahah,” T. 2963.
4. parents in Islam
5. M. B. Majlesi, "Mir’at al-oqul fi sharh ikhbar al-rasoul (PBUH)", vol. 8, p. 390
6. M. Muhammadi Rayshahri, “The scale of wisdom: a compendium of Shi'a Hadith”, T. 6762.
7. M. Muhammadi Rayshahri, “The scale of wisdom: a compendium of Shi'a Hadith”, T. 6761
8. “Mutual rights of parents and children”, vol. 36, p. 86.
9. Ibn Babawayh, “Al-Khisal”, p. 298.
10. H. T. Nuri Ṭabarsi, “Mustadrak al-Wassail”, vol. 15, p. 198.
11. M. B. Majlesi, “Bihar al-Anwar”, vol. 86, p. 359.
12. Imam Zayn al-'Abidin (AS), “Treatise On Rights (Risalat al-Huquq)”.
13. H. T. Nuri Ṭabarsi, “Mustadrak al-Wassail”, vol. 15, p. 203.
14. A. Javadi Amoli, “Mafatih al-hayat”, p. 224.H. T. Nuri Ṭabarsi, “Mustadrak al-Wassail”, vol. 15, p. 181.
15. H. T. Nuri Ṭabarsi, “Mustadrak al-Wassail”, vol. 15, p. 181.
16. Ibn Babawayh,,”Fiqh al-Ridha (AS)”, p. 334.
17. H. T. Nuri Ṭabarsi, “Mustadrak al-Wasail”, vol. 15, p. 176.
18. [18]. Sheikh al-Mufid, “Al-Amali”, p.167.
19. F. H. Tabarsi, “Mishkat ul-Anwar Fi Ghurar il-Akhbar”, p. 280.
20. F. H. Tabarsi, “Mishkat ul-Anwar Fi Ghurar il-Akhbar”, p. 282.
21. F. H. Tabarsi, “Mishkat ul-Anwar Fi Ghurar il-Akhbar”, p. 281.
22. J. M. Khonsari, “A discription on Ghurar Al-Hikam Wa Durar Al-Kalim", vol. 1, p.548.
23. A. Javadi Amoli, http://maarefquran.org/.
24. H. T. Nuri Ṭabarsi, “Mustadrak al-Wasail”, vol. 15, p. 204.
25. N. Makarim Shirazi, “Tafsir Nemouneh”, vol. 12, p.80.