“When I was younger, I always wondered how I could distinguish between love and lust. My father used to say “all these little or great worldly loves we go through, are all here for us humans to eventually experience The love, one drop at a time, and to increase our capacity for it. That’s why when we look back at our previous experiences of feeling in love, we laugh at our naivety for calling that love! And that the love we are feeling now IS the real thing. Ignorant of the fact that a little down the line, we will again be laughing at what we are calling love now.”So let us find out why has God made love? What kind of love, are we expected to feel? My father says “Love is a sign from God. Love is a miracle, and miracles are here to make us believe” [1].
I started my article on dating and falling in love using the introduction of a love story book. As any reader knows, love or dating and falling in Love is not something that can be accepted in some lands and be ignored in some others. Dating and Falling in Love know no borders. Every human being from the time he/she sets foot in this world would experience dating and falling in love in one way or other, with different things, people, pets! Lands, etc. It is actually the liveliness of love that keeps human beings move forward. This dating and falling in love could be for money, status, education, or opposite sex.
In this article, I would like to talk about Love for opposite sex and its rulings according to Islam and dating in Islam.
Love is an essential need for the human. Without love life is dark and colorless. Muslims, like any other human beings, fall in love and may spend days and nights weeping for their beloved, until they can unite with their loved ones.
However, the main point of being committed to any religion and obeying its rules is for human beings to gain control over themselves. Human beings in facing different issues of life should show this self-control, and love is one of these issues.
From what I have seen among most non-Muslim cultures and religions when they fall in love, they start dating. They meet each other at different places and make memories together. Then they can grow their love and go through sexual relationships. They would even feel so much in love that they decide to live together as lover partners. In some cases, this loving partnership may end up with a baby. And in very optimistic ways, one day their grown-up children will happily shout in a church that “I knew that mom and dad would finally get married!”. As I said, that is the optimistic side of it. Otherwise, at the end of some of these relationships, we have depressed single parents with unwanted children.
Since dating and falling in love takes one’s mind away, when a Muslim falls in love, by considering Islamic advice she/ he can avoid its negative consequences.
According to Islam, when someone feels fallen in love! with someone, he/ she should consider that person as his/ her “spouse to be.” So, the lover can determine if he/ she can live with his/ her loved one for the rest of his/ her life, and would they make a happy family and reach their goals? If the answer is positive, then they should start to get to know each other better. In most Islamic cultures, the starting point happens through families and dating in Islam is not very common. The boy proposes to the girl in a proposal ceremony. If the girl and the families are OK at this step, then the “bride to be” and “the groom to be” can start to know each other better.
Since dating in non-Muslim cultures may be followed by different kinds of sexual lust, such as touching, hugging, kissing, etc., Islam would call this sort of dating forbidden (Haram).
But this does not mean that the “groom to be” and the “bride to be” are not allowed to meet up and talk together for better recognition of each other. In Muslim families, they usually meet up at the girl’s house, where her parents are also around. Yet, some boys and girls may find it useful to go out together for a meal or talk in social places. That is for them to know each other better in different situations.
According to Islam, it is not forbidden (Haram) for a man and a woman to be together in a place where other people can come and go, and there is no fear of committing a sin. So, dating is Islam is not forbidden provided that the above conditions are observed. However, both parties should make sure to limit these meetups to a few sessions. At the end of these few sessions, they can usually decide if they want to marry or not.
And if they don’t want to marry, they should stop their meetings. Also, if they decide to get married, they should proceed to the next levels. This can be a temporary marriage for engagement period and then a permanent Islamic marriage contract. The engagement may take a few days or a few years. But they are known as a married couple during this time, and there is no prohibition for them to be together. “After the recitation of the marriage formula, the couple may enjoy each other unless a certain enjoyment is agreed to be delayed to the night of consummating the marriage, in which case he has to observe the specified term.” [2]
When two people start dating without a serious intention of marrying their partner, they start wasting their time on a useless relationship, solely for fun and enjoyment. Most of the time one of the parties is aware that he/ she does not see a future for this relationship. The other one keeps hoping for a marriage proposal. When it never happens, disappointment would fill his/ her life.
Also, people who keep dating with no intention for marriage would enjoy a relationship in which, unlike marriage, they are irresponsible towards their partner.
When other youths see how easy some people have fun with the opposite sex, they would be encouraged to date, too.
Usually, after many years of dating, when both parties have lost their younghood eagerness, they would shape a family. Although it is still very good to start family life, their life is much different from those who marry and have children at a younger age.
Conclusion
To conclude, dating in Islam for the sake of having fun with opposite sex and without a legal Islamic marriage contract is forbidden (Haram). But meeting up for further recognition is allowed (Halal). The main reason that makes dating in Islam prohibited is to protect both parties of possible damages of an unstable relationship. Thus, pre-marriage meetings (unlike dating) should be free of any kind of sexual lust, and only for the sake of finding a suitable spouse.
So, it is not forbidden (Haram) to fall in love according to Islam. But managing this love and controlling the self is of high importance. This would prevent people from committing great sins like adultery.
Reference:
- Bahmanpour, Sedigheh, God Is Here, p. 1
- love in Islam
If your right were taken away unfairly, what would be your reaction? Of course, you would stand up for your right and try to take it back or maybe fight for it. What if this reaction would make everything worse? What if you realize that your compromise, leads into the greater good of yourself or even the society? Fighting against injustice, sometimes, includes sacrifices, which goes beyond egotistic and individual desires. Depending on the situation, one might be made to compromise and sacrifice his/her right for the sake of his/her higher purpose, while having the power to take his/her right back. And this can only be done by a spiritually and mentally powerful person, such as Imam Hasan al-Mujtaba (AS), the first grandson of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP).
In what follows, we will review the life of this exceptional figure in the history of Islam.
Hasan ibn Ali (AS), known as Hasan al-Mujtaba (AS), was born on 15th of Ramadan, 1st of March, 625 A.D. in Medina. He was the first son of Imam Ali (AS) and Lady Fatima (AS), and the first grandson of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP). His name, "Hasan," which means good or beautiful, and was chosen by his grandfather, the Prophet (PBUH&HP), for him, having no precedent in this name in the pre-Islamic history.
Imam Hasan (AS) was only seven years old when Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) passed away. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) dearly loved him, and as it is narrated, he used to put Imam Hasan (AS) on his shoulders and said, "O' Allah! I love him, therefore, You love him, too." [1] In some instances, while Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) was performing the congregational prayer in the mosque, Imam Hasan (AS), then a little boy, would go on Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH&HP) back while he was prostrating. In response, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) would kindly and patiently prolong his prostration, so that he would come down himself. Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH&HP) manner of treating his grandsons was, in fact, a model to his followers to treat their children respectfully and compassionately.
His love and respect toward Imam Hasan (AS) are evident through the many narrations left by him about his grandson: "Surely, Hasan and Hussain are my two fragrant flowers from this world; he who loves me, should love them, too" [2], "Hasan is my son and dear to my heart, whoever hurt him, is like he's hurting me" [3], "Hasan and Hussain are the masters of the youth in paradise" [4]. It has also been narrated that Imam Hasan (AS) very much looked like Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) in both appearance and personality [5]. Despite his young age, Imam Hasan (AS) was present in many significant incidents in Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH&HP) time.
After Imam Ali's (AS) tragic martyrdom in 661 A.D, many people in Iraq and the neighboring lands pledged allegiance to Imam Hasan (AS), as the most suitable person to be their Caliph succeeded by Imam Ali (AS). Nevertheless, soon after this pledge of allegiance, Mu'awiya b. Abi Sufyan [i] refused to respect people's choice and offended Imam Hasan's (AS) caliphate. He tried to incite people of Iraq by sending two spies who were captured and punished by Imam Hasan (AS) [6]. Finally, Mu'awiya provoked a rebellion in Syria against Imam Hasan (AS) and built an army to go into war with Imam (AS) in Iraq. It is reported that 60,000 soldiers or more accompanied Mu'awiya [7].
In this situation, Imam Hasan (AS) gathered an army of Kufa people to fight against them and defend the people. Some minor battles occurred between the two troops. Later, Imam Hasan (AS) joined the army of Kufa and gave a sermon to them, inviting them to unity and reconciliation rather than hatred and enmity. After this speech, people thought that Imam (AS) was after making peace with Mu'awiya and accused him of disbelief, attacked his tent, and left his side. Also, some of the heads of Imam Hasan's (AS) army, including "Ubayd Allah b. 'Abbas", the commander in chief of Imam Hasan's (AS) army, joined Mu'awiya's army with two-third of his army. Before that, Mu'awiya had sent them letters and promised them high positions in his government and a considerable amount of money. This was followed by the letters of the chiefs of Iraqi tribes to Mu'awiya, expressing him their support.
All these incidents resulted in the significant physical weakening of Imam Hasan's (AS) army and losing their spirit, despite Imam Hasan's (AS) efforts to give them heart through his influential and alarming speeches. Yet the covert activities of Mu'awiya in Kufa, sending his forces undercover among people and spreading false accusations concerning Imam Hasan (AS), gradually broken Imam Hasan's (AS) army. Some even assassinated Imam Hasan (AS) and wounded him severely.
Finally, pressing hard under the conspiracies of Mu'awiya and the weakness of people in fighting against injustice, which had disturbed the military balance between the two armies, Imam Hasan (AS) was made to accept a peace treaty and leave the caliphate to Mu'awiya [8]. Thus, the period of Imam Hasan's (AS) caliphate lasted between six to eight months.
According to historical accounts, "Mu'awiya sent a blank contract with his seal at the bottom for Imam al-Hasan (a) to write anything that he wished and thus he wrote, "In this peace treaty, al-Hasan b. 'Ali (a) establishes peace with Mu'awiya b. Abi Sufyan and leaves the government of the Muslims to him with the following conditions:
1. He observes the Book of God, the conduct of the Prophet (s), and the conduct of the righteous caliphs.
2. He appoints no one as the Caliph after himself; and after him, the Caliph should be elected by a council of Muslims.
3. Lives, property, and children of people should be safe everywhere.
4. Mu'awiya should not implicitly or explicitly plot against al-Hasan b. 'Ali or threaten any of his companions." [9]
Under these conditions, Imam Hasan (AS) signed the peace treaty in 661 A.D. However, all of these conditions were later denied by Mu'awiya in his sermons and manners. "After the peace treaty, Imam (AS) gave a sermon and pointed to this issue that Mu'awiya challenged him over his rights and explained the reasons for his peace, which was to protect the lives of people and avoid bloodshed. After the treaty, Mu'awiya, too, gave a sermon at his first presence in Kufa. He broke his promises, saying that Imam (AS) had asked for peace and cursed Imam Ali (AS). Then, Imam Hasan (AS) explained about the peace treaty in a sermon and the proposal of Mu'awiya for it and answered to Mu'awiya's disrespect to his father." [10]
After this incident, Imam Hasan (AS) went back to Medina. While he was not a caliph anymore, he felt the responsibility to guide people in religion, science, and social and political issues. The signing of the peace treaty had made the situation very difficult for him. Some people criticized him, some of his old companions left his side, and severe political measures were taken against him.
Imam Hasan's (AS) patience in the face of hardship becomes evident by having a glance at his life, which was full of challenges. Losing Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) when he was only a child, losing his mother, lady Fatima (AS), bearing the difficulties at the time of his father's caliphate, following by his martyrdom most brutally, electing as a caliph by the people and then being abandoned by the same ones provoked by Mu'awiya, being forced to accept a peace treaty and giving up caliphate unfairly, was only some of these hardships. No doubt, without a strong personality resulted from a deep belief in Allah, Imam Hasan (AS) would not be able to bear these sufferings and challenges.
Moreover, he presented forbearance even when he was directly insulted and never responded with anger. In an instance, "a Syrian man saw Imam Hasan (AS) and started cursing him. When he finished his insults, the Imam (AS) smiled, greeted him, and said, "It looks like you are a stranger in this city … If you need anything, we will fulfill your needs." The man was deeply impressed by the Imam's (AS) noble reaction; he started crying and recited the following verse: "God knows best with whom to place His message" (Quran 6:124), indicating that the Imam (AS) deserved to be a descendant of the Prophet (PBUH&HP)" [11].
Imam Hasan's (AS) life was full of instances, which revealed his immense generosity and selflessness. It is narrated that he had given away all his properties and wealth as a charity twice in his lifetime [12]. According to an account, a man in need came to Imam Hasan (AS). Imam (AS) asked him to write what he needed and give him the note. When Imam (AS) read his letter, he gave him twice more than what he had asked. One of the people who were present there said, "What a bounteous letter he wrote, O' son of the Prophet (PBUH&HP)!" Imam (AS) replied, "The letter had more bounty and blessing for us than him since it had made us among the generous ones. Don't you know that "generosity" is to give something to someone without being asked for, and what is given away after being asked, is paltry in return to that person's honor. Perhaps the one who asked for something had spent a night full of stress and fear, not knowing if you reject him or make him happy with accepting to fulfill his request. Now he has come to you, his heart beating fearfully. If you, then, give him no more than what he had asked, you don't give away anything worthier than his honor, which he had broken for this request." [13]
Imam Hasan's (AS) generosity was not limited to human beings, but all of Allah's creatures. In one account, a man saw Imam Hasan (AS) eating, giving a morsel of his food to a dog, and eating a morsel himself. The man who was surprised by this scene went closer to Imam Hasan (AS) and said, "Would you permit me to hit this dog with a stone and take him away from your food?" Imam (AS) replied, "Leave it alone! Since I feel ashamed of Allah al-Mighty if an alive animal looks into my face while I'm eating and I won't give it part of my food." [14]
Imam Hasan (AS) found generosity and doing charity, not as a mere religious burden; instead, he gave away willingly and saw it as a chance bestowed to him by Allah to please Him.
The grandson of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP), following the footsteps of his grandfather, was highly observant of his manner toward the ones in need, being careful not to break their hearts or belittling them while helping them. It is reported in an account, "One day, he passed by a group of poor people who were eating pieces of bread. When they saw him, they invited him to eat with them. The Imam (AS) accepted their invitation and sat and ate with them and then invited all of them to his house and offered them food and clothes." [15]
Imam Hasan (AS) never felt superior to other people and treated everyone, regardless of their age or position, with the same respect and modesty.
All the above characteristics of Imam Hasan (AS) and many more is a reflection of his deep devotion and love toward Allah, the One and Only Creator. Imam Hasan (AS) was the perfect example of a true believer both in manner and words. He was famous for his sincere worship, long prayers, and his enthusiasm to go on a pilgrimage to Mecca on foot. He would say, "I would be embarrassed to meet my Lord without having walked toward His house." [16]
His abiding faith had made him a strong and exemplary personality from whom any human being with a free soul can learn the lesson of humanity and love.
According to some historical sources, After disregarding the conditions in the peace treaty, Mu'awiya conspired the assassination of Imam Hasan (AS) to secure the position of his son, Yazid, as his successor. To further his plan, he sent for Imam Hasan's (AS) wife and enticed her to poison her husband in return for money and marrying Yazid. Finally, she accepted his offer and fatally poisoned Imam Hasan (AS) [17]. He was martyred in the 15th of Ramadan of 50 (670 A.D.) and was buried in al-Baqi' cemetery in Medina.
Notes:
[i] The first Umayyad caliph who ruled in Damascus after the Peace Treaty of Imam Hasan (AS).
References:
- Ali ibn Abd-al-Malik al-Hindi, Kanz al-Ummal, Vol.16, p.262.
- Al-Tirmidhi, Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Vol.5, p.615.
- Qadi Nur Allah Shushtari, Ihqaq al-haqq, Vol.11, p.63.
- Muhammad b. 'Ali b. Shahrashub, Manaqib Al Abi Talib, Vol.3, p. 394.
- Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, Vol.43, p.338.
- Al-Shaykh al-Mufid, Kitab al-Irshad, Translated by I.K.A Howard, Published by Tahrike Tarsile Qur'an. p.350.
- Al-Sharif al-Qarashi, Baqir, The life of Imam al-Hasan al-Mujtaba (a), translated by Jasim al-Rasheed, Qom, Ansariyan Publications. p.334-335.
- Muhammad ibn Jarir al-Tabari, History of the Prophets and Kings, Vol.5, p.324.
- Al-Baladhuri, Ahmad ibn Yahya. Ansab al-Ashraf, vol. 3, p. 41-42.
- Imam Hasan Mujtaba
- Baha' al-Din 'Ali b. 'Isa al-Irbili, Kashf al-ghumma fi ma'rifat al-a'imma, Vol.1, p.561.
- Ahmad b. Abi Ya'qub, Tarikh al-Ya'qubi, Vol.2, p.226.
- Ahmad b. Muhammad b. Khalid al-Barqi, Al-Mahasin, p.55.
- Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, Vol.43, p.352.
- ibid, p.319.
- Muhammad b. 'Ali b. Shahrashub, Manaqib Al Abi Talib, Vol.4, p. 7.
- Abū al-Qāsim Maḥmūd ibn Umar al-Zamakhsharī, Rabi al-Abrar wa nusus al-Akhbar, Vol.5, p.155-156.
When it comes to how Islam was spread universally, we hear from many that Islam was spread by sword and bloodshed. However, studying the conduct and manner of all the prophets, and especially Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP), in inviting people to Allah unveils the truth about this issue.
When one decides to start a revolutionary cultural movement, he/she needs to plan for different aspects of this movement. The most important thing is the message he/she wants to convey to the audience. After that, he/she comes to how to spread this message in a way that can be vastly heard, and then it’s time to discover how the message should be said and conveyed to attract the audience. This is the most primary rule in media studies, and prophets in their era were well-aware of these rules and if they needed help regarding techniques and concepts, they received guidelines from Allah to help them spread their message in the most influential way.
The messages that prophets were going to convey to people were revealed to them by God Allah. The question ‘“how to spread this message” is discussed as a method of invitation. And the question ‘how to make the words influential’ is discussed under the title of manners of invitation in this article.
Allah (SWT) highlights the mission of His Prophet (PBUH&HP) as follows:
“O Prophet! Indeed We have sent you as a witness, as a bearer of good news and as a warner. And as a summoner to Allah by His permission, and as a radiant lamp.” (33: 45-46)
In this verse, the Prophet (PBUH&HP) is introduced as a “witness” [1]; a person who is present in his society and observes the problems and challenges of people on one hand, and as a person who has the best capability to testify the truth about Allah, His creation, and the hereafter on the other.
He has the responsibility to invite people to Allah, inform and remind them of the mercy and blessings of their lord and warn them of what is harmful to them. He, as a “radiant lamp” lightens the path of his people toward prosperity. [1].
But, has God Allah provided His prophet Prophet ((PBUH&HP) with any methods to help him guide people?
In some verses of the Quran Allah (SWT) provides the Prophet (PBUH&HP) with the following methods:
“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good advice and dispute with them in a manner that is best...” (16:125)
Using this verse, the first step in inviting people to God Allah is to use correct wisdom and reasoning, and since the mission of the Prophet of Islam (PBUH&HP) is to awaken thoughts and ideas and to flourish rational treasures, the best way to achieve this goal is to use logic and reasoning. [2] This method is mostly used for those intellectual people of the society.
The verse introduces “good advice” as a method for communicating with the audience who have softer hearts. “Good advice” is the method in which good deeds are reminded and expressed in such a way that the listener's heart is softened by hearing that expression and, as a result, surrenders. Therefore, for some audience gentle speech is more effective than logical arguments. [4]
However, for a group of audience who are stubborn and have prejudice on their ideas, the Quran suggests the method of dispute and argument in a way that is best.
The definition of “best despite” can be best understood when recognizing what is a wrong dispute. A wrong dispute or argument as described by Imam Sadiq (AS) is “a disgraceful, immodest argument to deny a right, or to accept a falsehood, as a result of your own intellectual weakness, or to do so as a result of the abuse of a rival's intellectual weakness.” [5]
Therefore, the best dispute is the one in which both parties listen to each other with the intention of learning from and informing each other, and accepting the truth and justice even if it is against our mindset.
In another verse of the Quran Allah (SWT) Commands His prophet Prophet (PBUH&HP) to:
“Say, ‘This is my way. I summon to Allah with insight—I and he who follows me. Immaculate is Allah, and I am not one of the polytheists.’” (12:108)
In fact, the Prophet of Islam (PBUH&HP), by the command of GodAllah, determines his religion and method to invite all people to this path out of awareness and insight. The followers of the Prophet (PBUH&HP) must also invite the people to the divine religion with awareness and insight.
Apart from all the methods that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) knew them well, it was his manner that attracted people to him and his message.
As Allah mentions in the Quran, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) was sent to humanity as a mercy and blessing:
“We did not send you but as a mercy to all the nations.” (21:107)
Although the great manner and behavior of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) has been admired in the Quran [6], the difficulty of his mission in interacting with people has been so great that Allah puts mercy and gentleness in his heart:
“It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; and had you been harsh and hardhearted, they would have surely scattered from around you. So excuse them and plead for forgiveness for them, and consult them in the affairs, and once you are resolved, put your trust in Allah. Indeed Allah loves those who trust in Him.” (3:159)
This verse shows that his kind attitude and his sympathy with people has been one of the main tools he used in inviting people to God.Allah.
Other absorbing characteristics of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) are mentioned in another verse of the Quran:
“There has certainly come to you an apostle from among yourselves. Grievous to him is your distress; he has a deep concern for you, and is most kind and merciful to the faithful.” (9:128)
The verse emphasizes on the fact that the prophet Prophet (PBUH&HP) was one of the people, not considering himself higher than them. He was a man who was so compassionate to the people, and his mind was all concerned about their problems and their life in this world and in the hereafter.
Although this verse ends with the phrase that he was kind to faithful people, another verse of the Quran shows that he tried so hard to guide and help the unfaithful. So much that Allah (SWT) told him
“you are liable to imperil your life [out of distress] that they will not have faith.” (26:3)
In sum, the Prophet of Islam (PBUH&HP) used all correct logical, psychological, scientific, and behavioral methods to invite people to truth and the soul of his merciful invitation still flows all over the world through the hearts of the truth-seekers.
References:
- Tabatabaei, M.H, Tafseer-e Al-mizan, http://www.aviny.com/quran/almizan/jeld-16/mizan-17.aspx
- Jawadi Amoli, Abdulllah, ‘the Prophet of Islam’s Conduct and manner in inviting to truth’, Pasdare-e Eslam Magazine, No. 296, (2007, July)
- ibid
- ibid
- Muhammad-Baqer Majlesi, Bihar al-Anwar , vol.70, p. 402.
- The Quran (68:4), Surah Qalam , verse, 4