“When I was younger, I always wondered how I could distinguish between love and lust. My father used to say “all these little or great worldly loves we go through, are all here for us humans to eventually experience The love, one drop at a time, and to increase our capacity for it. That’s why when we look back at our previous experiences of feeling in love, we laugh at our naivety for calling that love! And that the love we are feeling now IS the real thing. Ignorant of the fact that a little down the line, we will again be laughing at what we are calling love now.”So let us find out why has God made love? What kind of love, are we expected to feel? My father says “Love is a sign from God. Love is a miracle, and miracles are here to make us believe” [1].
I started my article on dating and falling in love using the introduction of a love story book. As any reader knows, love or dating and falling in Love is not something that can be accepted in some lands and be ignored in some others. Dating and Falling in Love know no borders. Every human being from the time he/she sets foot in this world would experience dating and falling in love in one way or other, with different things, people, pets! Lands, etc. It is actually the liveliness of love that keeps human beings move forward. This dating and falling in love could be for money, status, education, or opposite sex.
In this article, I would like to talk about Love for opposite sex and its rulings according to Islam and dating in Islam.
Love is an essential need for the human. Without love life is dark and colorless. Muslims, like any other human beings, fall in love and may spend days and nights weeping for their beloved, until they can unite with their loved ones.
However, the main point of being committed to any religion and obeying its rules is for human beings to gain control over themselves. Human beings in facing different issues of life should show this self-control, and love is one of these issues.
From what I have seen among most non-Muslim cultures and religions when they fall in love, they start dating. They meet each other at different places and make memories together. Then they can grow their love and go through sexual relationships. They would even feel so much in love that they decide to live together as lover partners. In some cases, this loving partnership may end up with a baby. And in very optimistic ways, one day their grown-up children will happily shout in a church that “I knew that mom and dad would finally get married!”. As I said, that is the optimistic side of it. Otherwise, at the end of some of these relationships, we have depressed single parents with unwanted children.
Since dating and falling in love takes one’s mind away, when a Muslim falls in love, by considering Islamic advice she/ he can avoid its negative consequences.
According to Islam, when someone feels fallen in love! with someone, he/ she should consider that person as his/ her “spouse to be.” So, the lover can determine if he/ she can live with his/ her loved one for the rest of his/ her life, and would they make a happy family and reach their goals? If the answer is positive, then they should start to get to know each other better. In most Islamic cultures, the starting point happens through families and dating in Islam is not very common. The boy proposes to the girl in a proposal ceremony. If the girl and the families are OK at this step, then the “bride to be” and “the groom to be” can start to know each other better.
Since dating in non-Muslim cultures may be followed by different kinds of sexual lust, such as touching, hugging, kissing, etc., Islam would call this sort of dating forbidden (Haram).
But this does not mean that the “groom to be” and the “bride to be” are not allowed to meet up and talk together for better recognition of each other. In Muslim families, they usually meet up at the girl’s house, where her parents are also around. Yet, some boys and girls may find it useful to go out together for a meal or talk in social places. That is for them to know each other better in different situations.
According to Islam, it is not forbidden (Haram) for a man and a woman to be together in a place where other people can come and go, and there is no fear of committing a sin. So, dating is Islam is not forbidden provided that the above conditions are observed. However, both parties should make sure to limit these meetups to a few sessions. At the end of these few sessions, they can usually decide if they want to marry or not.
And if they don’t want to marry, they should stop their meetings. Also, if they decide to get married, they should proceed to the next levels. This can be a temporary marriage for engagement period and then a permanent Islamic marriage contract. The engagement may take a few days or a few years. But they are known as a married couple during this time, and there is no prohibition for them to be together. “After the recitation of the marriage formula, the couple may enjoy each other unless a certain enjoyment is agreed to be delayed to the night of consummating the marriage, in which case he has to observe the specified term.” [2]
When two people start dating without a serious intention of marrying their partner, they start wasting their time on a useless relationship, solely for fun and enjoyment. Most of the time one of the parties is aware that he/ she does not see a future for this relationship. The other one keeps hoping for a marriage proposal. When it never happens, disappointment would fill his/ her life.
Also, people who keep dating with no intention for marriage would enjoy a relationship in which, unlike marriage, they are irresponsible towards their partner.
When other youths see how easy some people have fun with the opposite sex, they would be encouraged to date, too.
Usually, after many years of dating, when both parties have lost their younghood eagerness, they would shape a family. Although it is still very good to start family life, their life is much different from those who marry and have children at a younger age.
Conclusion
To conclude, dating in Islam for the sake of having fun with opposite sex and without a legal Islamic marriage contract is forbidden (Haram). But meeting up for further recognition is allowed (Halal). The main reason that makes dating in Islam prohibited is to protect both parties of possible damages of an unstable relationship. Thus, pre-marriage meetings (unlike dating) should be free of any kind of sexual lust, and only for the sake of finding a suitable spouse.
So, it is not forbidden (Haram) to fall in love according to Islam. But managing this love and controlling the self is of high importance. This would prevent people from committing great sins like adultery.
Reference:
- Bahmanpour, Sedigheh, God Is Here, p. 1
- love in Islam
In the era we are living in today, stress and stress-related illnesses such as depression and anxiety are becoming of the biggest killers, and the effects that they have on our emotional and physical health can be devastating. Stress, as a highly personalized phenomenon, varies between people depending on individual vulnerability and resilience. How could one build up that strength required to beat the stress in Islam?
Here are some of the solutions that Islam proposes.
In Islamic teachings and narrations, the faith in God is known to be the first and the most efficient approach to achieve the inner peace and the control over anxiety and stress in Islam. Imam Ali (AS) said that having faith in God equals being safe and secure [1] &[2]. Believers know that there is a goal behind every happening. They believe that God is just; hence, they have not been just created and left to live some days in this world and suffer for nothing. But, they are created to pass all the difficulties to reach the perfection that they deserve.
That is why a believer rarely loses hope and even if gets disappointed, knows that he/she has a God who has promised to help him/her: “you who have faith, if you support Allah, He will support you” (47:7); “Whoever is wary of Allah, He shall make for him a way out [of the adversities of the world and the Hereafter]” (65:2). The opposite view on this matter is that life evolved spontaneously. This implies that there is no wisdom or goal behind the actual and future happenings, and this can be stressful by itself.
As stated earlier, the faith in God is the key to the inner peace. To be efficient, the faith should be practiced and manifested in one’s acts. Here are some practices that increase one’s faith in God and also relieve the stress in Islam.
The two possible ways to remember God are prayer (Salat) and invocation (Dua). In Surah R’ad it is stated that the hearts find rest in Allah’s remembrance (13:28). Also, God has promised: “Remember Me, and I will remember you” (2:152). The more consciously and concentrated one does the prayer and invocation, the more relief he\she will experience. During prayers, one spends some moments talking to God as the superior infinite power in the universe. This helps to overcome sorrow, just as talking with another person might do.
Reading the Quran and perceiving the divine messages is another practice that brings considerable relief. The caring advises that exist in Quran and that nice feeling of knowing that the creator of the whole universe is mindful of us, are relaxing. It is narrated from Imam Ali (AS) that the cure for the illnesses can be found in the Quran [3]. Also, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has advised reading Quran regularly as it lightens the heart and makes it alive [4].
Fasting is known to be an anti-stress practice [5]. One of the reasons that one feels stressful and anxious is the lack of determination. He/she often thinks that he/she is not able to ameliorate such a condition, nor can he/she control his/her confusing thoughts. But fasting is a good chance to strengthen one’s character and to change the attitudes and acts.
In addition to spiritual practices mentioned above, some other activities are known in Islam to heal the stress:
Seeking knowledge and wisdom is believed to enlighten the heart and keeps it alive and active. Imam Ali (AS) said: “Surely the hearts get tired just like the bodies, so seek for them new objects of wisdom” [6]. It is encouraged to seek wisdom, for Allah enlivens the dead heart through the light of wisdom just as He enlivens the dead earth through water from the sky [7]. So, one should dedicate some time every day to read or listen to the wisdom that inspires him spiritually.
Idling the days away and almost doing nothing in life are severely blamed in Islam since it is believed to corrupt one’s mind and body [8]. A corrupted mind might tempt to perverted thoughts and imaginations, evil intentions, laziness, etc. that will ruin one’s life in this world and the Hereafter [9]. Imam Sadeq (AS) has strongly disapproved laziness and apathy [10]&[11]. The reason is that these two characteristics hinder one to profit from this world and the Hereafter [10] and cause him to be humiliated by the others [11] which can lead to the isolation of the lazy person and the consequent psychological problems.
References:
- “Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim”, T. 771.
- “Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim”, T. 2839.
- “Nahj al-Balagha”, p. 223, no. 158.
- H. al-Bahrani,“Al-Burhan fi tafsir al-Quran”, vol. 1, p. 19.
- M. Reyshahri, "Mizan al-Hikma," T. 10671".
- “Nahj al-Balagha”, No. 197.
- stress in life
- Al-Shaykh al-Mufid, "Al-Irshad", vol. 1, p. 298.
- “Tuhaf al-Uqul”, p. 300.
- M. al-Kulaynī, “Al-Kafi”, vol. 5, p. 85.
- “Tuhaf al-Uqul”, p. 304.
The hours of fasting in Ramadan vary based on the geographical position of the city where one lives. In some regions, the fasting hours might be extremely long while in other places it might be too short such that one wonders if the goal of fasting (Sawm) has been accomplished or not. Extended fasting might cause difficulties.
Some might complain that there is no advantage in fasting long days. Others might find excuses to avoid fasting altogether. But, Islam does not want Muslims to suffer. There are, therefore, some rulings on how to fast on very long days and very short days, that we review them all next.
In the case where the days are very short, one should perform fasting in its typical way, from dawn to sunset, according to the prayer times. Hence, short fasting hours does not change the default time rulings on fasting (Swam) [1].
Fasting is not a mere act of depriving oneself of foods or drinks, but it aims at spiritual growth and salvation, inner peace, exercising patience, strengthening the social ties and experiencing how poor people live their lives [2].
Hence, the obligation on fasting is not to make people suffer; as it is stated in Surah Baqarah: “Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship” (2:185). So, there are some rulings on long fasts which make them less difficult.
Long fast (Swam), especially in hot summer days, is tough. In this case, one should fast according to the prayer times of his\her city of residence. But, if it is extremely difficult, whenever during the day he\she feels unable to continue, he\she is allowed to break the fast (Swam) and have to fast (it is obligatory, Wajib) later on for those missing (Qaza) fasts in shorter days of the current year and before the next Ramadan [1]
However, different religious experts (Mujtahids) have different opinions on this matter. We explained one of those views above. There are two other opinions as follows and one of them might be the opinion of your religious expert (Mujtahid):
In any case, one should fast according to the prayer times of the city of residence;
One should fast according to the prayer times in a “moderate region,” with the normal day length, that is on the same meridian as his\her city of residence.
Conclusion
Fasting is obligatory due to its spiritual and physical benefits. It is not to put pressure and make people suffer. If it is tough to fast in very long days, one can fast according to the rulings stated above.
References: