I am C.S. Mathos.  I was born into a secular family on August 1st, 1992, in Pennsylvania.  My mom was once a Christian, and as a kid she went to a Quaker church. […]To explain, I was surprisingly logical as a child, and reasoned that it was impossible that a god existed.  Really, I didn’t care about religion back then.  […]

I was obviously ridiculed when my love for paleontology did not subside.  […] When I did speak, I was most often honest, soft spoken, and didn’t have much to say, because I didn’t trust people, and I liked my imagination better than the real world.  Even when 9/11’s attacks came, I didn’t talk much, and didn’t react to it.  It didn’t scare me at all; I thought the word “Muslim” was the term for an ethnic group[…]When I did come out of my shell (5th grade), I fought with people about religion and politics.  I believed there were hypocrisies in Christianity, which was the only religion I remembered at that time.

When I became 13 years old, I really received insults, and took them seriously.  […] At that time I wasn’t interested in anything.  I decided I needed a religion.  I didn’t really search for one, just believed there was one God, and, because of my bitterness, I blamed my problems on Him.  […]

I just needed a religion.  I tried out Christianity, however I flat out left it.  Too many contradictions, sectarianism, and hypocrisy.

I looked around, and around, I looked at everything, from Christianity to Greek Mythology.  I decided to look at Islam last, since I took into account the prejudices of war and the possibility that I may actually be killed by someone due to following such a religion.  I gave up on everything else, and I said to myself: “The last thing you have to go to is Islam.  Just get a Quran and read it.  Hell, it may be what you’re looking for.”  I got the Quran off of a website and got it in the mail 5 days after it was ordered.  It was dark green; so dark green, I thought it was black.  It has a beautiful leather binding, gold imprints on it.  I started reading it, and I just saw that it was nothing as it was portrayed on TV.  I saw that there was only one God, and there was no one else to worship but He.  I saw this, and I wanted to join the religion.

[…] I decided that writing down how to pray was for later, conversion was needed for me.  I needed to submit to God.  NOW.  I found the Shahada, and I wrote it down.  Then, I took the Shahada, and became a Muslim.  As soon as I did, I felt the pain in my heart lifted, and I felt truly happy.  God has been good to me, and I try to pray 5 times every day to Him.  However, due to the circumstances of war prejudices, other people’s intolerance, and other people’s sectarianism, I have to practice my religion in secret.  I pray to God in the morning, noon, sundown, evening, and at 11:00 or 12:00 at night.  When I can drive, I’ll drive to the nearest mosque every Friday.  My own mother doesn’t even know I’m a Muslim.  I’ll tell her when I’m truly ready, or when I’m an adult and live elsewhere, or I’m in college.  I pray that God keeps me away from disbelief, and help me become the best Muslim I can be while practicing in secret.  If my mom is reading this, try to understand my religion before you pass judgment.  Let me practice my religion in peace, without your ridicules and jokes, which are hurtful.  I’ve been practicing Islam for a week, I think.  I lose track of time.

Non-Muslims that are reading this, I suggest you read the Quran and become a Muslim.  Peace be upon you, and God’s blessings.

By C.S. Mathos

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I feel honored to be a Muslim... And I feel that way for many reasons.  There are many norms in the society I live that are opposite to what it is to be a Muslim.   And when I first came to this way of life, I didn’t know how well I would fair with it.  […]

Having spent a large portion of my short life not being a Muslim, I know the darkness that God speaks of in the Quran.  I remember what it was like when Allah opened my eyes and shined a light where the darkness had once been.  At the beginning of my life, I had no definite form of absolute guidance.

The simplest aspects of creation would boggle my mind. I was totally oblivious to the miracles God put in nature.  One time, in particular, I recall learning about evaporation in science class.  I was unable to comprehend it.  Not the how, but the reason it happened.

I understood the idea of the water cycle and its importance for life, but what would make the water essentially disappear and float back up to the sky?

When viewing this question, without knowing God, my mind ran into a mental block at which point I could not come up with the answer.  Boggled by the thought, I merely shrugged my shoulders and threw it to the back of my mind.

When looking at the human body, and how it’s made largely of water, or looking at the universe and trying to comprehend what was beyond it.  I would be faced with the mental barricade of not being able to comprehend the reason for its creation.

Time and time again scientists could explain the how, but never the why.  They could explain purpose within the mechanics of creation, but they could never explain the purpose of the mechanics itself.  What caused the mechanics?  What caused nature to have laws?

Having been brought up in a non-practicing Christian family, I had a general understanding of the principles of Christianity.  […] My problem with Christianity was the dogma, and more specifically the beliefs about God.  The issue of a “Triune” God that is essentially three different individuals that all unite to take on the role of the “One” God.  I know that is not how the Doctrine of Trinity is officially promoted, and any Bible-thumping Christian would probably accuse me of not understanding the Doctrine, but that’s the reality that I saw in it

[…] Around that time, I unofficially rejected Christianity. I became a Christian / Atheist / Agnostic.  I began to live life trying to come to terms with my surroundings and myself.  Not knowing of a greater purpose, I saw no problem in taking part in destructive activities of any kind; on the condition, I would receive some sort of satisfaction from it.

[…] I began to turn to the common reality escape, namely drugs and alcohol.  At first, using them as a social tool, and eventually using them habitually as a sedative.  If people ever told me I should calm down, I would tell them I could stop if I had a reason, but I had no reason. […] But eventually, I started to feel a consciousness within me looking for some sort of console.  Although I was lost and in the dark, since I never saw the light, I didn’t know the difference between the two.  I began to think of “the bigger picture.”

I began to think about death.  I tried to comprehend the concept of nothingness, and as many times before in my life, when trying to contemplate the purpose, my mind drew blanks.  Until one night, while I lay on my bed, deep in thought, I turned my face to the sky, and I said: “God, if you’re real, and You exist, please help me!”

I went to sleep that night never really thinking twice about it.  Then on 9/11, I watched the uncanny events unfold.  I was confused about the whole situation, why it happened, what exactly happened, and how they knew who did it almost immediately.  For the first time there was meaning being applied to foreign terms that I had heard, but never knew anything about, namely Islam.

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