“When I was younger, I always wondered how I could distinguish between love and lust. My father used to say “all these little or great worldly loves we go through, are all here for us humans to eventually experience The love, one drop at a time, and to increase our capacity for it. That’s why when we look back at our previous experiences of feeling in love, we laugh at our naivety for calling that love! And that the love we are feeling now IS the real thing. Ignorant of the fact that a little down the line, we will again be laughing at what we are calling love now.”So let us find out why has God made love? What kind of love, are we expected to feel? My father says “Love is a sign from God. Love is a miracle, and miracles are here to make us believe” [1].
I started my article on dating and falling in love using the introduction of a love story book. As any reader knows, love or dating and falling in Love is not something that can be accepted in some lands and be ignored in some others. Dating and Falling in Love know no borders. Every human being from the time he/she sets foot in this world would experience dating and falling in love in one way or other, with different things, people, pets! Lands, etc. It is actually the liveliness of love that keeps human beings move forward. This dating and falling in love could be for money, status, education, or opposite sex.
In this article, I would like to talk about Love for opposite sex and its rulings according to Islam and dating in Islam.
Love is an essential need for the human. Without love life is dark and colorless. Muslims, like any other human beings, fall in love and may spend days and nights weeping for their beloved, until they can unite with their loved ones.
However, the main point of being committed to any religion and obeying its rules is for human beings to gain control over themselves. Human beings in facing different issues of life should show this self-control, and love is one of these issues.
From what I have seen among most non-Muslim cultures and religions when they fall in love, they start dating. They meet each other at different places and make memories together. Then they can grow their love and go through sexual relationships. They would even feel so much in love that they decide to live together as lover partners. In some cases, this loving partnership may end up with a baby. And in very optimistic ways, one day their grown-up children will happily shout in a church that “I knew that mom and dad would finally get married!”. As I said, that is the optimistic side of it. Otherwise, at the end of some of these relationships, we have depressed single parents with unwanted children.
Since dating and falling in love takes one’s mind away, when a Muslim falls in love, by considering Islamic advice she/ he can avoid its negative consequences.
According to Islam, when someone feels fallen in love! with someone, he/ she should consider that person as his/ her “spouse to be.” So, the lover can determine if he/ she can live with his/ her loved one for the rest of his/ her life, and would they make a happy family and reach their goals? If the answer is positive, then they should start to get to know each other better. In most Islamic cultures, the starting point happens through families and dating in Islam is not very common. The boy proposes to the girl in a proposal ceremony. If the girl and the families are OK at this step, then the “bride to be” and “the groom to be” can start to know each other better.
Since dating in non-Muslim cultures may be followed by different kinds of sexual lust, such as touching, hugging, kissing, etc., Islam would call this sort of dating forbidden (Haram).
But this does not mean that the “groom to be” and the “bride to be” are not allowed to meet up and talk together for better recognition of each other. In Muslim families, they usually meet up at the girl’s house, where her parents are also around. Yet, some boys and girls may find it useful to go out together for a meal or talk in social places. That is for them to know each other better in different situations.
According to Islam, it is not forbidden (Haram) for a man and a woman to be together in a place where other people can come and go, and there is no fear of committing a sin. So, dating is Islam is not forbidden provided that the above conditions are observed. However, both parties should make sure to limit these meetups to a few sessions. At the end of these few sessions, they can usually decide if they want to marry or not.
And if they don’t want to marry, they should stop their meetings. Also, if they decide to get married, they should proceed to the next levels. This can be a temporary marriage for engagement period and then a permanent Islamic marriage contract. The engagement may take a few days or a few years. But they are known as a married couple during this time, and there is no prohibition for them to be together. “After the recitation of the marriage formula, the couple may enjoy each other unless a certain enjoyment is agreed to be delayed to the night of consummating the marriage, in which case he has to observe the specified term.” [2]
When two people start dating without a serious intention of marrying their partner, they start wasting their time on a useless relationship, solely for fun and enjoyment. Most of the time one of the parties is aware that he/ she does not see a future for this relationship. The other one keeps hoping for a marriage proposal. When it never happens, disappointment would fill his/ her life.
Also, people who keep dating with no intention for marriage would enjoy a relationship in which, unlike marriage, they are irresponsible towards their partner.
When other youths see how easy some people have fun with the opposite sex, they would be encouraged to date, too.
Usually, after many years of dating, when both parties have lost their younghood eagerness, they would shape a family. Although it is still very good to start family life, their life is much different from those who marry and have children at a younger age.
Conclusion
To conclude, dating in Islam for the sake of having fun with opposite sex and without a legal Islamic marriage contract is forbidden (Haram). But meeting up for further recognition is allowed (Halal). The main reason that makes dating in Islam prohibited is to protect both parties of possible damages of an unstable relationship. Thus, pre-marriage meetings (unlike dating) should be free of any kind of sexual lust, and only for the sake of finding a suitable spouse.
So, it is not forbidden (Haram) to fall in love according to Islam. But managing this love and controlling the self is of high importance. This would prevent people from committing great sins like adultery.
Reference:
- Bahmanpour, Sedigheh, God Is Here, p. 1
- love in Islam
Ramadan is one of the most important months in the Islamic calendar, during which Muslims perform fasting (Sawm), one of the key practices in the religion of Islam. However, aside from being a month of fasting, Ramadan provides Muslims with the opportunity to engage more in their routine religious activities and have a fuller experience of an Ideal Islamic life. There is more to this month, then, that makes it a special time. Let’s see.
Ramadan is a door that has been opened to get Muslims nearer to Allah and to feel His presence more in their lives. This is the time when Allah forgives most and rains down His blessings more than any other time which can wipe away our sins and mistakes [i]. If we knew the real value of this month and were aware of all its rewards, we would wish every month to be Ramadan, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) believed [1].
We are so close to Allah in this month and so occupied with his divine remembrance that no time will be left for us to think or do what is not good for us, or what is against Allah’s command. So the inward and outward evil stay far from us in this month of mercy, and it has been promised by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) that in Ramadan, “the gates of hell are sealed, and the gates of heaven are wide open, and the devils are chained” [1].
Ramadan begins with mercy, continues to bring forgiveness from Allah and ends in granting our wishes and salvation from what has contaminated our souls [2]. It is a time to think about our past mistakes and to make up for them, to make them right.
One of the prominent attributes of Allah is His excessive forgiveness and mercy which reveals itself manifestly and in a fuller sense in the month of Ramadan. It is as if Allah has held us tightly in His embrace and washed away whatever has separated us from Him, and we would be like a child who has just been born, like a soul united with its source. So, when is a better time to be forgiven than this month? [3].
In this beautiful month, the whole content of the Quran was revealed to the heart of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) in an immediate revelation [ii], [4] & [5]. Therefore, this month can be considered as the birth of the holy Quran [iii], and Muslims celebrate this birth through dedicating more time and attention to this holy book.
Thus, reading the Quran with careful consideration and pondering on its deep meanings is highly recommended during the month of Ramadan and it is considered to be more rewarding, to the extent that reading one verse of the Quran is equaled to reading all of it [iv]& [v]. In the month when Allah is closer to us more than ever, He desires to speak to us through the Quranic words, just as we speak to Him, through our prayers.
There are three nights in this month [vi], called the nights of Qadr [vii], one of which is considered to be the night when Quran was revealed to the heart of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) in an immediate revelation by the Archangel Gabriel. However, we are not sure which of these nights is exactly the night of Qadr. Therefore we commemorate all of these three nights.
According to the Quran: “The Night of Qadr is better than a thousand months”(97:3); in other words, the reward of any good deed in this night is a thousand times more than any other night or occasion [8]. Muslims celebrate this night by staying awake throughout the night until the time of Dawn prayer (Salat al-Fajr), supplicating to Allah and asking for His forgiveness of their past deeds and guidance for their future actions.
The night of “Qadr is a celebration to commemorate the arrival of the final guidance for humans. It is a tribute to the commencement of the message revealed to mankind by their Creator, a message which shows them the way to achieve happiness in both worlds” [8].
Aside from being the night in which our sins are forgiven, according to some narrations (Hadith), the night of Qadr is also the night of our destiny; the night in which our fate in the next year is foreseen by Allah [viii], [9].
Finally, life is too short, and chances are slipping away from your hands like spring clouds [10]. Ramadan is one of these chances, to look back and build a better future. It is a starting point, or shall we say a turning point! So embrace this holy month.
Notes:
[i] Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said: “The month of Ramadan is the month of Allah, and a month in which Allah highlights the virtues and wipes away the sins, this is the month of blessing” [1].
[ii] It is believed that there are two kinds of revelation for the Quran, the immediate revelation that occurred in one of the nights of Qadr and the gradual revelation which sent down to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) in the span of twenty-three years of his prophethood [11].
[iii] Imam Baqer (AS) said: “There is a spring for everything, and the spring of Quran is the month of Ramadan”. [6]
[iv] Imam Reza (AS) said: “whoever read a verse of Allah’s book [Quran] in the month of Ramadan, it would be equal to his/her reading of the whole of Quran in other months” [7].
[v] Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Read Quran abundantly during the month [of Ramadan]” [7].
[vi] 19th, 21st and 23rd of Ramadan.
[vii]. Qadr literally means measure.
[viii]. Note that the concept of destiny or Qadr is not in conflict with human beings freedom of choice in Islam. For more information see Men and Destiney by Murtada Mutahari.
References:
- Bihar al-Anvar, vol.93, p.340, 346 & 348.
- Usul al-Kafi, vol.4, p.67.
- Sheikh al-Sadugh, Amali, p.53.
- (44: 3), (97:1), (2:185)
- For further information, see: Al-Mizan, vol. 8, pp. 130-134; vol. 2, pp. 14-23; vol. 13, pp. 220-221.
- Usul al-Kafi, vol.2, p.360, Hadith no. 10.
- Sheikh al-Sadugh, Fazail al-Ashhar al-Salasah (the benefits of three months), p. 95.
- Ramadan
- Muhammad ibn Hassan Tussi, Tahdib al-Ahkam, vol.4, p.332.
- Imam Ali (AS), Nahj al-Balaghah, wisdom no. 21.
- Shaykh as-Saduq, A Shi'ite Creed, p. 60.
AbuTalib is the holy Prophet’s (PBUH & HP) uncle. His original name was “Imran,” and his father was “Abd al-Muttalib.” Abu-Talib was Imam Ali’s (AS) father.
Abu-Talib is one of the most important men in the history of Islam. His help to the Prophet (PBUH & HP) made Islam what it is and he made many efforts to make Islam get successful in Mecca. He was the most important supporter of the Prophet (PBUH & HP), and of course, he was one of the first individuals who believed in the Prophet.
The holy Prophet (PBUH & HP) lost his father, Abdullah, before he was born, and he also lost his mother when he was only 5 years old. After that, his grandfather, Abd al-Muttalib, was the guardian of the Prophet. Unfortunately, he also lost his grandfather when he was 8 years old. Abd al-Muttalib asked his son, Abu-Talib, to take care of the Prophet (PBUH & HP) and be his guardian. Then, the Prophet (PBUH & HP) lived with Abu-Talib, and he raised the Prophet (PBUH & HP). (1)
Abu-Talib was a merchant who was in charge of serving the Hajj pilgrims and looking after them in Mecca. These responsibilities were of considerable importance in Mecca, and consequently, Abu-Talib was highly respected there. He wasn’t so rich but because of his father, his job in Mecca, and his age, Abu-Talib was one of the most important and respected men in Mecca. Regarding his father, Imam Ali (AS) said
“My father was a respected poor person and there was no respected poor person before him.” (2)
He was a poor man who was generous. He provided food for impoverished people when no one else did. (3)
Abu-Talib was one of the most important supporters of the Prophet (PBUH & HP) in Mecca. He negotiated with the elders of Quraysh (the people of Mecca) so that they stop teasing the Prophet (PBUH & HP) and his followers. The elders of Quraysh wouldn’t dare to kill the Prophet (PBUH & HP) because Abu-Talib was with him and his support would have had serious repercussions for them. If they had dangerous plans for the Prophet (PBUH & HP), he would gather them to talk with them so that he could dissuade them and save the Messenger’s (PBUH & HP) life. (4)
When the Quraysh banished the Prophet (PBUH & HP) and his followers from Mecca, Abu-Talib let them live in Shi’b of Abi-Talib (a valley named Abu-Talib). He loved the Prophet (PBUH & HP) so much that he ordered his son, Imam Ali (AS), to sleep in the Prophet’s bed at night as the Polytheists were trying to murder the Prophet. Actually, he was ready to even sacrifice his children to save the Messenger’s (PBUH & HP) life. (5)
One of the most controversial issues that have led to many discussions between Shias and Sunnis is the faith of Abu-Talib. Sunni scholars believe that Abu-Talib helped the Prophet (PBUH & HP) in many ways not due to his faith but because of his relationship with the Prophet (PBUH & HP). They believe that Abu-Talib was a polytheist until his death, and he is now in Hell, but he is punished less than others.
On the other hand, Shiite scholars believe that Abu-Talib was one of the most faithful Muslims but he concealed his faith from the other Arabs so that he could retain his influence on them and help the Prophet (PBUH & HP) in this way. Shiite scholars say that so many poems written by Abu-Talib reflect the fact that he was a faithful person. Some of his poems are mentioned below:
Don’t you know that we have found Muhammad a Prophet just like Moses that his name has been written in the holy books?
Don’t you know that people love him and no one is better than the one that has been given love by God? (6)
Don’t you know that we do not deny our son? (The Messenger) and he doesn’t care about false words?
He is a person with a white face that the clouds rain because of him and he is a supporter of orphans and the shelter of the poor. (7)
The Shiite Imams also have claimed that Abu-Talib was a faithful person. Imam Ali (AS) said
“I swear to Allah that my father never worshiped an idol and neither did my grandfather, Hashim, or Abdi-Manaf (the ancestors of the Prophet).” (8)
Imam Baqir (AS) also said
“If the faith of Abu-Talib was put on one side of a balance and the faith of the other people on the other side, the faith of Abu-Talib would be heavier.” (9)
Abu-Talib died on Rajab 26th, ten years after the Prophet (PBUH & HP) was chosen by Allah. After his death, the Prophet (PBUH & HP) lost one of his most important supporters and because of that he was forced to migrate to Medina. The Prophet (PBUH & HP) was so sad because of that he named that year “The Year of Sorrow”. (10)
Resources
- Sirah ibn Hisham, AbdulMalik ibn Hisham, vol.1, pg.164
- Tarikh al-Yaqubi, Ahmad ibn Abi-Yaqub, vol.2, pg.14
- Ansab al-Ashraf, al-Balazori, vol.2, pg.23
- Sirah ibn Hisham, AbdulMalik ibn Hisham, vol.1, pg.242
- Bihar al-Anvar, Allamah al-Majlesi, vol.35, pg.93
- Sirah ibn Hisham, AbdulMalik ibn Hisham, vol.2, pg.4
- Al-Fosul al-Mukhtarah, Sheikh Mufid, pg.283
- Kamal ad-Din, Sheikh Saduq, vol.1, pg.174&175
- Sharh Nahj al-Balaqa, Ibn Aba al-Hadid, vol.14, pg.68
- Imtah al-Asma, Miqrizi, vol.1, pg.45