A feature that is being propagated by different types of media about Muslims and Islam is an angry and aggressive face. This is while Islam has a lot of direct commands and recommendations about controlling anger and being good-tempered. A narration from Imam Sadiq (AS) defines good-temper very well: “Good temper is to soften your attitude and clear your speech and meet your brother with kindness.” [1]

In this text, we will study the viewpoint of Islam on being good-tempered.

Direct recommendations from the Quran

There are many verses of the Quran that teaches us how to interact with others. The Prophet of Islam (PBUH&HP) was sent as a role model: 
“There is certainly a good exemplar for you in the Apostle of Allah—for those who look forward to Allah and the Last Day and remember Allah much.” (33:21) 

This exemplar is defined in different verses of the Quran, not only by admiring the number of his prayers but with his excellent manners. Allah admires his apostle by saying: 

“And indeed, you possess a great character.” (68: 4)

Therefore, when Allah tells us: 

“Obey Allah and the Apostle so that you may be granted [His] mercy” (3: 132), He means that by following the characteristics of the Prophet (PBUH&HP), one can achieve success and prosperity. One of his most important features was his good-temper. 

The effects of being good tempered on achieving success

One may think that many people are not good-tempered and yet have very successful lives. However, the Quran introduces being soft and kind to people as a means of reaching goals. 
Almighty Allah says to His Apostle: 

“It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; had you been harsh and hardhearted, they would have surely scattered from around you. So excuse them and plead for forgiveness for them, and consult them in the affairs, and once you are resolved, put your trust in Allah. Indeed Allah loves those who trust in Him.” (3: 159)

As it is mentioned in the above verse, Allah introduces being good-mannered and good-tempered as the essential element that made the Prophet (PBUH&HP) successful in guiding people. Also, some of the features of a good-tempered person are mentioned in this verse:

1.To be forgiving towards people’s faults and mistakes in our social or family life (Excuse them). 

2.To ask Allah to forgive other people for their sins and mistakes (plead for forgiveness for them). Having this manner helps us feel real compassion towards others, and therefore, it allows us to interact with them with kindness and a good temper. 

3. To give credit and respect to other people by asking their ideas even if we know better than they do (consult them in the affairs). 
Imagine that if in our daily life, we try to consider these three crucial hints, how peaceful our life will become, and how influential we can become in our relations and communications.

To Whom should we be good tempered?

Should we be soft and gentle to everyone? Or are there groups of people to whom we should be harsh and demanding? 

Two verses in the Quran explain how Muslims should behave towards different groups of people. This verse of the Quran: “Muhammad, the Apostle of Allah, and those who are with him are hard against the faithless and merciful amongst themselves,” (48: 29) indicates that Muslims should be kind and merciful to other Muslims and harsh on those who deny the existence of Allah and the hereafter. However, when Allah orders prophet Moses (PBUH) and Aaron to go to Pharaoh to invite him to monotheism, He orders them: 

“Both of you go to Pharaoh, for he has indeed rebelled. Speak to him in a gentle manner; maybe he will take admonition or fear.” (20: 43-44)

 Again, in this verse, Allah introduces the importance of soft and gentle speech as an essential means of reaching goals.

 The effects of being good tempered in our life

Experience shows that by being good-tempered, one can become popular among others and can make his/her own life as well as others peaceful. 
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) says: 

"being good-tempered sustains friendship.” [2]

Imam Al-Sadiq (AS) says: 

“Charity and being good-tempered flourish lands and increase lifetime.” [3]

And in the words of Imam Ali (AS): 

“The treasures of the provision are in being good-tempered and affability.” [4]

These verses of the Quran clearly show that if people wish to have a good life in this world and the hereafter, they need to work on themselves to control their anger and to be good-tempered in their relationships.  

References:

1. Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 68, p. 389
2. Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 71, p. 389
3. Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 71, p. 395
4. Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 75, p. 53
    

1. Speak at the Right Time

Don’t speak when it’s not a good time to talk. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no. 10274. 

2. A Day of Celebration

Any day on which you don’t commit sins or disobey Allah is a day of celebration (Eid). 

Nahj al-Balagha, Wisdom no.428. 

3. The Effect of Nature 

Looking at nature brings happiness.

Nahj al-Balagha, Wisdom no.400. 

4. Two Valuable Blessings in Imam Ali (AS)'s Words 

There are two things whose worth you will find out only after losing them; youth and health.

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, vol. 1, p.449.

5. Difference with Children 

Do not impose your own traditions on your children, since they are living in a different era than yours. 

Ibn abi al-Hadid, Interpretation of Nahj al-Balagha, vol.20, p.286. 

6. Who to Consult and Who not to Consult

Consult with your wise enemy, but avoid your ignorant friend’s advice. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.2471.

7. The Best Candidates to Consult

The wise, knowledgeable, experienced, and prudent ones are the best to consult with. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.4990.

8. When to Consult 

Consult before making decisions and think before taking action.

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.5754.

9. Be Patient with Your Job's Difficulties 

If you don’t endure the difficulties of working, you are made to bear the misfortunes of poverty.

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.8987.

 10. Be Kind

Be kind to the less privileged ones than you, so that your superiors be kind to you. 

Muhammadi Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah, Hadith no. 6960. 

11. Respect Your Father and Teacher

Rise in respect to your father and your teacher, even if you possess a high status. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.2341.

12. The Foundation of the World according to Imam Ali (AS)

The world is founded on justice. 

Muhammadi Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah, Hadith no. 11955. 

13. Observe Justice 

The fairest among you is the one who observes justice between people while in power.

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.3242.

14. Treat others as you expect to be treated

The fairest manner is to treat people the way you expect them to treat you. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.3170.

15. Quality is more important than Quantity for Imam Ali (AS)

Don’t worry about how fast you do a job; instead, observe the best quality in whatever you do. 

Ibn abi al-Hadid, Interpretation of Nahj al-Balagha, vol.20, p.267. 

16. The Worst Homeland

The worst homeland is the one that doesn’t keep its citizens safe. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.5712.

17. How to Start a Deed

You need to have enough knowledge of a deed before doing it. 

Nahj al-Bakagha, p.171.  

18. Do Every Deed on its Own Time 

Do every day’s work on that specific day, since each task is due to its special day. 

Nahj al-Balagha, letter no.53.  

19. Keep Your Promises

The ones who don’t keep their promise do not believe in Allah. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.9577.

20. Don't Break Your Promise to Children 

It’s beneath you to make a promise to your child and not keep it. 

Al-Shaykh al-Saduq, Al-Amali, p.342. 

21. Be Childlike 

If you have a child, be childlike with him/her. 

Usul al-Kafi, vol.6, p.50. 

22. Yesterday, Tomorrow, Today 

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to come, while today is a precious chance for you to make the most of it.

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.9840.

23. An Unplanted Land

The heart of the teenage is like an unplanted land that is ready to receive any seed planted in it. 

Nahj al-Balagha, letter no. 31. 

24. Read Books

The greatest peace is obtained by reading books. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.8126.

25. Scholars' Heaven 

Find the scholars’ heaven within the pages of the books. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.991.

26. The Perfection of Religion

The perfection of religion is in seeking knowledge and making use of it. 

Usul al-Kafi, vol.1, p.30.

27. What is Said not Who Said it 

Pay attention to what is said, not who is saying it. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.5048.

28. Think instead of Talking

Try to ponder and understand instead of quoting. 

Muhammadi Reyshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah, Hadith no. 3355.

29. Help Others

You will be helped, the same way as you help others. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.7209.

30. The Faithful as Defined by Imam Ali (AS)

The faithful who help the destitute in the hardships and misfortunes of their lives are loved most by Allah.

Tuhaf al-Uqul, p.376.

31. Peace is Better Than War

I found peace, so far as it won’t degrade Islam, more beneficial than war. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.10138.

32. You Make a Mistake, too!

Don’t be happy about the mistakes of others, since you are not perfect either. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.10294.

33. Respect to be Respected 

Talk respectfully to people to hear respectful responses. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.2568.

34. The Power of Optimism 

Optimism reduces despair and keeps you away from committing sins. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.4823.

 35. Do not Measure Truth Based on People 

What is right is not distinguished by the people; You should first know what is right to find the ones following it.

al-Fattal al-Neyshaburi, Rawḍat al-wāʿiẓīn wa baṣīrat al-muttaʿiẓīn, p.31.

36. Be at Peace

Whoever avoids holding grudges, his/her heart and mind will remain at peace. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.8548.

37. Be Thankful and Patient 

Be thankful to Allah on your days of comfort and happiness, and be patient on the days of difficulty and hardship.

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, Hadith no.7148.

38. The Precious Blessing of Health 

Health is more precious than any other of Allah’s blessings. 

Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, p.483.

39. Women in Islam

Women are Allah’s trusts upon you, do not hurt them, and do not put pressure on them.

Mustadrak al-Wasail, vol.2, p.551.

40. Make the most of Your Happy Moments 

Enjoy your moments of happiness with all your heart to help you at the time of sadness. 

Ibn abi al-Hadid, Interpretation of Nahj al-Balagha, vol.20, p.286.