“When I was younger, I always wondered how I could distinguish between love and lust. My father used to say “all these little or great worldly loves we go through, are all here for us humans to eventually experience The love, one drop at a time, and to increase our capacity for it. That’s why when we look back at our previous experiences of feeling in love, we laugh at our naivety for calling that love! And that the love we are feeling now IS the real thing. Ignorant of the fact that a little down the line, we will again be laughing at what we are calling love now.”So let us find out why has God made love? What kind of love, are we expected to feel? My father says “Love is a sign from God. Love is a miracle, and miracles are here to make us believe” [1].
I started my article on dating and falling in love using the introduction of a love story book. As any reader knows, love or dating and falling in Love is not something that can be accepted in some lands and be ignored in some others. Dating and Falling in Love know no borders. Every human being from the time he/she sets foot in this world would experience dating and falling in love in one way or other, with different things, people, pets! Lands, etc. It is actually the liveliness of love that keeps human beings move forward. This dating and falling in love could be for money, status, education, or opposite sex.
In this article, I would like to talk about Love for opposite sex and its rulings according to Islam and dating in Islam.
Love is an essential need for the human. Without love life is dark and colorless. Muslims, like any other human beings, fall in love and may spend days and nights weeping for their beloved, until they can unite with their loved ones.
However, the main point of being committed to any religion and obeying its rules is for human beings to gain control over themselves. Human beings in facing different issues of life should show this self-control, and love is one of these issues.
From what I have seen among most non-Muslim cultures and religions when they fall in love, they start dating. They meet each other at different places and make memories together. Then they can grow their love and go through sexual relationships. They would even feel so much in love that they decide to live together as lover partners. In some cases, this loving partnership may end up with a baby. And in very optimistic ways, one day their grown-up children will happily shout in a church that “I knew that mom and dad would finally get married!”. As I said, that is the optimistic side of it. Otherwise, at the end of some of these relationships, we have depressed single parents with unwanted children.
Since dating and falling in love takes one’s mind away, when a Muslim falls in love, by considering Islamic advice she/ he can avoid its negative consequences.
According to Islam, when someone feels fallen in love! with someone, he/ she should consider that person as his/ her “spouse to be.” So, the lover can determine if he/ she can live with his/ her loved one for the rest of his/ her life, and would they make a happy family and reach their goals? If the answer is positive, then they should start to get to know each other better. In most Islamic cultures, the starting point happens through families and dating in Islam is not very common. The boy proposes to the girl in a proposal ceremony. If the girl and the families are OK at this step, then the “bride to be” and “the groom to be” can start to know each other better.
Since dating in non-Muslim cultures may be followed by different kinds of sexual lust, such as touching, hugging, kissing, etc., Islam would call this sort of dating forbidden (Haram).
But this does not mean that the “groom to be” and the “bride to be” are not allowed to meet up and talk together for better recognition of each other. In Muslim families, they usually meet up at the girl’s house, where her parents are also around. Yet, some boys and girls may find it useful to go out together for a meal or talk in social places. That is for them to know each other better in different situations.
According to Islam, it is not forbidden (Haram) for a man and a woman to be together in a place where other people can come and go, and there is no fear of committing a sin. So, dating is Islam is not forbidden provided that the above conditions are observed. However, both parties should make sure to limit these meetups to a few sessions. At the end of these few sessions, they can usually decide if they want to marry or not.
And if they don’t want to marry, they should stop their meetings. Also, if they decide to get married, they should proceed to the next levels. This can be a temporary marriage for engagement period and then a permanent Islamic marriage contract. The engagement may take a few days or a few years. But they are known as a married couple during this time, and there is no prohibition for them to be together. “After the recitation of the marriage formula, the couple may enjoy each other unless a certain enjoyment is agreed to be delayed to the night of consummating the marriage, in which case he has to observe the specified term.” [2]
When two people start dating without a serious intention of marrying their partner, they start wasting their time on a useless relationship, solely for fun and enjoyment. Most of the time one of the parties is aware that he/ she does not see a future for this relationship. The other one keeps hoping for a marriage proposal. When it never happens, disappointment would fill his/ her life.
Also, people who keep dating with no intention for marriage would enjoy a relationship in which, unlike marriage, they are irresponsible towards their partner.
When other youths see how easy some people have fun with the opposite sex, they would be encouraged to date, too.
Usually, after many years of dating, when both parties have lost their younghood eagerness, they would shape a family. Although it is still very good to start family life, their life is much different from those who marry and have children at a younger age.
Conclusion
To conclude, dating in Islam for the sake of having fun with opposite sex and without a legal Islamic marriage contract is forbidden (Haram). But meeting up for further recognition is allowed (Halal). The main reason that makes dating in Islam prohibited is to protect both parties of possible damages of an unstable relationship. Thus, pre-marriage meetings (unlike dating) should be free of any kind of sexual lust, and only for the sake of finding a suitable spouse.
So, it is not forbidden (Haram) to fall in love according to Islam. But managing this love and controlling the self is of high importance. This would prevent people from committing great sins like adultery.
Reference:
- Bahmanpour, Sedigheh, God Is Here, p. 1
- love in Islam
Almost everyone is scared of death; Even those who may commit suicide in a specific mental condition. If a physician tells us that we have an unknown disease and we will only live for a few more months, we would panic and stop living our normal life (we might live better or worse).
The reason that makes most of us scared of death is that we think all the things that we have tried to gain in this life, such as our belongings, our beloveds, our success, and experiences are going to disappear after death. Or that there is still a lot for us in this world to experience, achieve and enjoy.
However, this fear of death is mostly because the other world and the life after death are quite unknown to us, but if we come to understand the afterlife, we may even become eager to fulfill our duties in this life and get ready to travel to the other world.
Now, let’s see if it is true that we will lose everything after death and also what Islam says about death and the life after it.
Having faith in the afterlife (Ma’ad) is so important that it is one of the pillars of Islam. The main reason is that it is by believing in the fact that we will be resurrected after death and we will be held responsible for all of our actions, that we are careful about our manners and behaviors in this worldly life. It is mainly this idea that shapes our lifestyle and our relations with God, people, environment, etc.
We usually take the earthly life very seriously, as if there is nothing more significant than our goals, actions, and relations in this world. Although the way we live in this world is significant and it is our worldly actions that shape our lives in the hereafter, the Quran emphasizes that the real life is to come: “The life of this world is nothing but diversion and play, but the abode of the Hereafter is indeed Life (itself), had they known!” (29:64)
“Then He made him die and buried him” (80: 21).
After we are dead and buried in a grave, our grave phase starts. But how is this phase?
It is narrated that “the grave is either a garden from heaven’s gardens or a corner of hell” [1].
When the dead person is buried, he will not feel suffocated, but he will experience a sort of pressure that is indescribable for people in this world as if he is being squeezed to pass a needle hole. This pressure would work as a purifier for believers but unbelievers has nothing but pain and sorrow [2].
This pressure does not belong to those people who are buried, but every dead person will have this experience, even if they are dead hung or burnt into ashes. The pressure belongs to the soul, and every soul will go through the experiences of the afterlife [3].
But does everyone experience the grave pressure? It is narrated from Imam Sadiq (AS) that only very few people will be saved from going through this pressure [4].
Some of the reasons that will increase the grave pressure are backbiting, gossiping, disrespecting parents, usury, immorality, unpleasant manner towards family and friends, devastating the rights of other humans, etc. [5], while behaving based on Islamic teachings and ethics will reduce the grave pressure.
When the dead person is buried, his/ her soul will leave the body but will still stay close to it. So he/she can see the burial ceremony and what is going on around. When his/ her relatives leave the grave, he/she finds him/herself alone in the dark and small grave.
Here, people are divided into three groups: perfect believers, complete atheists, the middle ones. The first group will start their heavenly life right away, the second group will start their eternal life in hell, and the middle that includes the majority of people will remain in hope and fear until the Resurrection Day when their situation will be determined [6].
The first and the second group will experience the grave questioning by two angels; Nakir and Munkar so that they quickly start their eternal life in heaven or hell. But the third group will not be questioned until the Judgment Day [7].
It is narrated from Imam Sadiq (AS) that limbo (Barzakh) means human’s grave from the time he dies until the day he is resurrected [8]. We know that most human bodies will be destroyed after some time in the grave, but what happens to the soul?
Based on the fact that the limbo (Barzakh) is a place between this life and the other life, and that all human beings, even those who are burnt to ashes or those who are hunted and eaten by animals will experience the limbo (Barzakh), we can conclude that the life in the grave -mentioned as limbo (Barzakh) life- is not limited to the grave. So what and how is limbo (Barzakh) life?
Right after death, the human soul directly enters a new life in which he/she can feel everything. They can have pleasure and sorrow which is based on their actions and behaviors in their worldly life.
Therefore, human experiences two lives after death. One is the limbo (Barzakh) life that would end like our earthly life: “And before them is a barrier until the day they will be resurrected” (23:100), and the other is the eternal life that starts on the Day of Resurrection and people may go to eternal hell or eternal heaven based on their worldly actions [9].
“And because the Hour is bound to come, there is no doubt in it, and Allah will resurrect those who are in the graves.” (22: 7)
The Day of Resurrection does not only belong to human beings. All creatures will be resurrected on that day [10]. On the Day of Resurrection, people will be queued to be questioned about their actions and to be sent to their eternal place. This day is not like our worldly days that are 24 hours. But as stated in the Quran “He directs the command from the heaven to the earth; then it ascends toward Him in a day whose span is a thousand years by your reckoning” (32: 5). And in another verse, it is stated that: “The angels and the Spirit ascend to Him in a day whose span is fifty thousand years” (70: 4).
Imam Sadiq (AS) was asked: “why is that in one verse Allah says that the Day of Judgment is equal to a thousand years and in another verse, it is said to be equal to fifty thousand years?” Imam (AS) answered: “On the Day of Resurrection there are fifty stops, each of them equals a thousand years of this world” [11].
It is on this day that people face their worldly actions: “The day when every soul will find present whatever good it has done; and as for the evil, it has done, it will wish there were a far distance between it and itself. Allah warns you to beware of [disobeying] Him, and Allah is most kind to [His] servants” (3: 30).
Unlike limbo (Barzakh) in which people wait to be resurrected and transported to a new world, the afterlife, which comes after the Day of Resurrection is eternal. Unlike this world in which we have to work and gain for the next life; in the eternal heaven there is no tiredness, nor sorrow, nor pain, nor hardship; “to remain in them [forever]; they will not seek to leave it for another place” (18: 108).
So, in the afterlife, people may become eternal in heaven or hell [i]. However, not all of those who go to hell will be eternal there, as it is narrated from the Imam Sadiq (AS) that “on the Day of Resurrection, God will expand His mercy so generously that even Iblis (Satan) will be greedy to receive it [12].
The role of remembering death in improving the worldly life and therefore the life in the hereafter is very important. Imam Ali (AS) says: “when deciding to do evil actions, remember death as it destroys the pleasures and weakens the desires” [13]. But what is the most important benefit of remembering death?
If we do not believe in another life and remember death as the end of existence, then many things in life may sound vain for us, and we may even lose our motivation to keep on having a good life. But when we believe that there is another life which is the real life, our actions in this world become more meaningful and targeted. Allah says in the Quran: “Did you suppose that We created you aimlessly and that you will not be brought back to Us?” (23: 115)
When we believe that there is no life after death, we might face many anxieties, disappointments and live an aimless life. But keeping in mind that whatever we do is being seen by God and recorded by Him, we will have more motivation to do good things, even if no one in this world cares about us.
“They say, ‘There is nothing but the life of this world: we live, and we die, and nothing but time destroys us.’ But they do not have any knowledge of that, and they only make conjectures… Say, ‘It is Allah who gives you life, then He makes you die. Then He will gather you on the Day of Resurrection, in which there is no doubt. But most people do not know” (45: 24-6).
Notes:
[i] Read about the concept of eternal life here: http://blog.holymoodpictures.com
References:
- Allamah Majlesi, Bihar al-anwar, vol. 6. Chapter Sakarat al-mawt, narration No. 19
- Bahmanpour, Mohammad Saeed, (2012) Naseem- e Abadiyyat, p. 34
- Shaikh Al-Sadouq, Man la yahzuruhu Al-faqih, vol. 1, p. 279
- Allamah Majlesi , Bihar Al-Anwar, vol. 6, p. 260
- Allamah Majlesi , Bihar Al-Anwar, vol. 5, p. 265
- Bahmanpour, Mohammad Saeed, (2012) Naseem- e Abadiyyat, p. 41
- ibid
- Allamah Majlesi Bihar al-anwar, vol. 6. Chapter Ahwal-e barzakh, narration No. 116
- Mutahhari, Murtaza, Life after death, Vol. 3, p. 504
- An’aam (6), Verse No. 38
- Allamah Majlesi Bihar al-anwar, vol. 7, p. 126
- Allamah Majlesi , Bihar Al-Anwar, vol. 7, p. 287
- Nahjul balagha, sermon No. 99
Homosexuality that means sexual or romantic attraction to the people of the same sex has been a controversial issue to psychiatrists since they have been expected to examine this sexual orientation and its relation to mental health.
It has also caused controversy in the religious communities as they have been condemned for being narrow-minded due to their denial of this so-called natural and instinctive phenomenon. Here, we attempt to explore Islamic view on Homosexuality and explain the philosophy behind Islam’s objection to this matter.
In the Quranic view, the family consists of a pair of male and female. This was indeed the basis of the creation of Adam and Eve. The couple who were the father and mother of the whole human race:
‘O mankind! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you nations and tribes that you may identify yourselves with one another.’ (49:13) [1].
Since family is of high importance in Islamic teachings, anything that damages this ‘Holy’ social unit is subject to criticism. Same-sex marriages contradict the law of creation which is based upon the continuation of the human race. Had homosexuality become popular, reproduction would stop.
It is also due to its social consequences that Islam warns us against homosexuality. A person once questioned Imam Sadeq(AS): “Why has Allah prohibited sodomy?”. The Imam (AS) replied: “Had sex with boys been lawful, the men would have become independent of women (and disinclined towards them) causing man's lineage to become terminated and natural heterosexual intercourse to come to an end, and this would have brought about great moral and social evils” [2].
The above narration explains that sodomy, or homosexuality, makes men needless of women sexually and vice versa! So the doer of sodomy no longer desires to marry the opposite sex. This is seen as a serious threat to the continuation of the human race. Since it is through the opposite-sex marriages that the human race will continue.
Homosexuality is addressed in the Quran through a well-known story called the story of the ‘People of Lot’. This story is cited in the Quran seven times. And it shows the importance of these people and the acts that they were punished for. ‘People of Lot’ are known as a nation that was thoroughly destroyed by God owing to their lustful acts [3]:
"And Lot, when he said to his people, ‘What! Do you commit an outrage none in the world ever committed before you?! Most surely you come to males in lust besides females; nay you are an extravagant people’"(7:80-81).
In the above verse, the Prophet Lot (PBUH) condemns his people for their sexual desires towards men instead of women. Elsewhere in the Quran, he recalls:
‘O my people, these are my daughters: they are purer for you. Be wary of Allah … Is there not a right-minded man among you?’ (11:78)
One of the important aspects of Lot’s story is their punishment. According to Islamic teachings, homosexuality is a sin greater than adultery. So its punishment is more severe.
It is also admitted in the Islamic narrations that when people commit sins that have not been committed before, their punishment will also be unprecedented. The Quran describes People of Lot’s chastisement and remarks that the whole nation was massacred except the Prophet Lot (PBUH) and his true followers:
‘O Lot, we are messengers of your Lord. They will never get at you. Set out with your family in a watch of the night; and none of you shall turn round, except your wife…..So when Our edict came, We made its topmost part its nethermost, and We rained on it stones of laminar shale’(11:82-83)
In today’s liberal societies people are educated the way that they perceive homosexuality as an 'inborn’ tendency and only a variation of human sexual orientation [4]. In other words, the fact that one is born either male or female does not say anything about his or her sexual orientation. They might be Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender! (LGBT) or it may happen that they are sexually straight!
Homosexuality has caused the field of psychiatry such a controversy that even after decades of studies on the issue one single position cannot be found in their findings. Homosexuality used to be identified as a mental disorder for the most of the 20th century. Even so, since 1970 there started a high scientific attempt to declassify homosexuality as a disorder. As a result of almost fifty years of attempts, we can see that since the late 20th-century homosexuality started to become legal in a few liberal countries (mainly Europe and America). And the same-sex marriages started to become recognized as a social norm.
Yet, there are still studies that argue against prior studies. They state that there is a misconception as to the definition of homosexuality in some of the major studies on the issue. Meaning, in the definition of a homosexual person they included any person who had had a same-sex sexual experience as an adult. But, some of the subjects that were engaged in homosexual behavior were not even attracted to the people of their own sex. It is also suggested that ‘homosexual people are at a substantially higher risk for some forms of emotional problems. These include suicidality, major depression, and anxiety disorder’ [5].
Despite the current professional position on homosexuality, same-sex orientation is still understood as immorality and as a rebellion against God by most nations and cultures throughout the world. The table of the LGBT rights according to different countries and territories is the evidence for this claim [6].
It has to be noted, however, that the fact that an individual has homosexual desires does not make him or her criminal according to Islamic law! This tendency is either a psychological or a physiological disorder that has to be cured. And as long as the person does not commit homosexual acts, he is not subject to any divine punishment.
The aim of this article was to explore the Islamic view on Homosexuality. We found that Islam objects to homosexuality for several reasons. Most importantly, Islam regards the same-sex union as a threat to the continuation of the human race.
Also, since the family in Islam is seen as a holy unit and it consists of a male and a female, again homosexual orientation goes against Islamic values and teachings and threatens human survival. We also examined if the same-sex sexual orientation is a disorder. Despite the high controversy of the issue, there is a kind of consensus that homosexual people are at a higher risk for emotional problems such as suicidality, major depression, and anxiety disorder.
To conclude, despite recent attempts of declassifying homosexuality as a disorder and the legitimization of the same sex union and marriages in some liberal societies, as statics show still the majority of countries and cultures understand homosexual acts as immorality and as a rebellion against social norms and religions that threatens human survival.
References:
- Qari translation of the Quran, available at
- Wasa`il ash-Shia, vol. 14, pg. 252.
- Qur’anic references to the People of Lot: 7:80–84, 11:77–83, 21:74, 22:43, 26:165–175, 27:56–59, and 29:27–33).
- Rizvi, Sayyid Muhammad, Marriage and Moral in Islam, available at
- Bailey, J. Michael, ‘Homosexuality and Mental Illness’, available at
- See the chart at